Pumpkin Carving

Last night we carved pumpkins. Every year since I can remember when I start to carve my pumpkin I am determined to make this pumpkin better than ever. And last night I finally succeeded. We used a kit to carve, but still our pumpkins turned out great. To see them, click here.

October 19

One year ago, I heard my child's heart beat. Thump......thump......thump. So slow.

I saw my baby. So tiny.

And yet it was there. I was pregnant. Due date June 14, 2007. I was five point six weeks along.

Tony and I were going to be parents.

I remember the night we found out we were pregnant, the day after our two year anniversary. I remember falling asleep with a smile on my face, once we finally were able to fall asleep. I remember making plans, and excited to begin on this amazing and fearful journey to be parents.

But later that night, we lost our baby. I still have a picture of our baby, some dried flowers from a good friend that knew what we went through, as well as all of the paperwork reminding me of our child that we will never know.

One year later, I am grateful that we went through that. It was heartbreaking, and I will always remember the pain. But that experience has helped shape us. It has brought us closer together. And it has given me hope.

And this week as a friend of mine experienced a miscarriage after struggling to become pregnant for a while, I was reminded of the pain caused by that loss.

I hope that one day I will again hear that powerful sound of my child's heartbeat, this time it will be strong and fast.

The Smell of Fall

October is quickly becoming my favorite month. I love all of the smells, and I am enjoying the weather. I am glad that the temperature is finally in a normal range for this time of year. I used to long for the days of summer and dread the coming of fall. This year was different.

Perhaps it was because we chose to go without air conditioning, maybe because we were a half hour drive away from the beautiful Lake Michigan, perhaps my back pain that started in July kept us from fully enjoying summer, or possibly a combination of these and other factors. Either way, I am glad that fall has arrived.

I am excited to relish in the cool days of autumn. To curl up on the couch with a cup of hot cocoa wrapped in a blanket. What has not changed is my dread of the horrible Michigan roads once snow has collected on them, or the chaos of juggling working in retail during the holidays and family gatherings with seven parents. Fortunately, we have a couple of months before then. I plan on cherishing this weather while it lasts.

Yes, It has been Three Years.

Three years ago Tony and I joined lives and began on our journey as husband and wife. Yesterday we were able to spend our anniversary together.

Tony surprised me with a stay at a local hotel, and we went to a couple of local pumpkin patches.
We were able to spend the afternoon and evening relaxing in the pool and hot tub at the hotel. It was so amazing to be able to spend such wonderful time with my best friend. Yesterday was the best day I have had in a long time. It was the perfect way to spend our anniversary.

We have experienced a lot together, and I am excited to continue to grow together.

Tony, thank you for being you. You are the most amazing, supportive husband. I continue to enjoy learning new things about you, and am in awe of the person you are. I love you.