October 19

One year ago, I heard my child's heart beat. Thump......thump......thump. So slow.

I saw my baby. So tiny.

And yet it was there. I was pregnant. Due date June 14, 2007. I was five point six weeks along.

Tony and I were going to be parents.

I remember the night we found out we were pregnant, the day after our two year anniversary. I remember falling asleep with a smile on my face, once we finally were able to fall asleep. I remember making plans, and excited to begin on this amazing and fearful journey to be parents.

But later that night, we lost our baby. I still have a picture of our baby, some dried flowers from a good friend that knew what we went through, as well as all of the paperwork reminding me of our child that we will never know.

One year later, I am grateful that we went through that. It was heartbreaking, and I will always remember the pain. But that experience has helped shape us. It has brought us closer together. And it has given me hope.

And this week as a friend of mine experienced a miscarriage after struggling to become pregnant for a while, I was reminded of the pain caused by that loss.

I hope that one day I will again hear that powerful sound of my child's heartbeat, this time it will be strong and fast.