December 31, 2011


I am ready to say good-bye to this calendar year. I believe this year has been the hardest year of my life. The beauty was couple with brokenness. The addition to our family included not only a beautiful, healthy boy, but also a crippling mental illness.

I am ready to focus on the positive, to enjoy the little moments with my sons and cherish my husband. The time since Ian was born is a blur. One big blur. For someone who usually has a fantastic memory, feeling like time has been erased is really difficult to adjust to. There are pictures and videos of events that I simply do not remember. I am ready to remember and make new memories.

I expect 2012 to bring numerous milestones for Ian, as well as Levi. I am looking forward to seeing Ian continue to explore his world and really get to know him. Levi constantly surprises me with his new skills and how much he understands about the world around him.

I plan to make more time for my husband. I imagine that we will embark on new adventures together and our bond will be strengthened from the struggle we've endured.

I am still healing. I am still working my way out of the darkness. There are still ugly moments, and there are many wounds that need time to heal. I am hopeful that the person that emerges on the other side of this will be a stronger, happier, gentler, beautiful version of myself.

Farewell 2011. Hello and welcome, 2012.