Struggle

I would define the last year of our life as a struggle.

A heart-wrenching, fear-inducing, difficult and rewarding, struggle.

A physical, emotional, financial, spiritual struggle.

A struggle to find peace and hope.

We moved away from Muskegon, moving away from family with hopes of building new, healthy life-long relationships. Our goal has been to see the pattern of chaos and deep brokenness that exists within each of our families come to an end.

One of the things that has been the most difficult for me to accept and understand is the lack of people in our lives. We have large distant families, but we have needed to distance ourselves from most of them as they are unhealthy and have been hurtful in our past.

And we have a handful of good friends. And we are truly grateful for them in our lives.

But on the day to day struggle of life, we find ourselves feeling alone and without people. And that is the biggest struggle for me.

So we go on, trying to make sense of our life and what we are supposed to be doing. And I am sure I am not alone in feeling alone.

Trying to not allow bitterness and anger to control the way I engage the world. I want to choose joy and hope.

But it is a struggle.