Missing It

Lately I have felt a lot of tension.

Pure joy because life is absolutely wonderful.
Sinking depression because life is never perfect.

Satisfying peace because of all we have overcome.
Suffocating anxiety because there are still 1001 things to juggle. Constantly.

Utter amazement that my Levi is so healthy, strong, and happy.
Deep fear that it won't always be this way.

Growing love for my amazing husband- time only makes him better.
Constant worry that I'm not living up to my end of the bargain.

Amazement that I am a mom.
Doubt that in any way I am the mom I want to be.

Excitement for our future and all that it holds.
Fear that we'll always struggle to keep our heads above water.

Peace.
Fear.

Joy.
Worry.

And time continues. It doesn't pause for me to figure it all out. Levi is growing, seasons are changing. I am missing it.

I choose happiness.