tara's thoughts

Farewell

2011-12-31T12:45:00.002-05:00

I am ready to say good-bye to this calendar year. I believe this year has been the hardest year of my life. The beauty was couple with brokenness. The addition to our family included not only a beautiful, healthy boy, but also a crippling mental illness.

I am ready to focus on the positive, to enjoy the little moments with my sons and cherish my husband. The time since Ian was born is a blur. One big blur. For someone who usually has a fantastic memory, feeling like time has been erased is really difficult to adjust to. There are pictures and videos of events that I simply do not remember. I am ready to remember and make new memories.

I expect 2012 to bring numerous milestones for Ian, as well as Levi. I am looking forward to seeing Ian continue to explore his world and really get to know him. Levi constantly surprises me with his new skills and how much he understands about the world around him.

I plan to make more time for my husband. I imagine that we will embark on new adventures together and our bond will be strengthened from the struggle we've endured.

I am still healing. I am still working my way out of the darkness. There are still ugly moments, and there are many wounds that need time to heal. I am hopeful that the person that emerges on the other side of this will be a stronger, happier, gentler, beautiful version of myself.

Farewell 2011. Hello and welcome, 2012.

Honesty

2011-10-16T21:16:00.002-04:00

I have a hard time asking for help. I do not like admitting defeat or feeling like a failure. I struggle to lean on others when I need them. It takes a long time for me to trust anyone. I would much rather be the one helping.

Living with postpartum depression and trying to overcome it, while striving to be the mother I long to be, the mother my children deserve, is perhaps the most difficult thing I've ever experienced. I am responsible for the well being of two other people. I can't give up and walk away. I can't take the easy way out. I have to face this head on and get through it, and at the same time I have to carry on with life and take care of my children. Life doesn't stop. Levi and Ian don't stop growing and developing. They aren't waiting for me to get better, but they need me to.

The moment I was admitted to the hospital I lost something. I lost a dream. I missed out on an experience I was longing for, one I prepared for, and I mourn that loss. I am pissed off that I was not able to have a peaceful birth at home. It is not fair that I barely remember the first moments of my son's life, that his first weeks are a blur in my memory. I don't have those idyllic pictures of Ian's first precious moments to look back on and I certainly don't recall my birth story with fondness. Whatever joy there is in the victory of a vaginal birth despite all odds is overshadowed by the sorrow I feel for the loss of everything that should have been and wasn't.

I blame myself for Ian's admission to the hospital. I know I over reacted and it is my fault my son had to endure painful procedures in a cold, sterile, hospital environment. I failed him when he was only a few days old.

There are days I don't want to hold my son. I am often angry with my children. There are moments that I want to run away and never look back. I frequently question why I ever wanted this life. This is the life I always dreamed of and now I feel trapped.

This doesn't just effect me. My husband misses his wife and friend. My children want their mother back. They are trying to live life with the broken pieces I've created.

Postpartum depression, and the anxiety that goes along with it for me, is extremely scary and often debilitating. I thought by now the worst would be over. I thought I would be 'fixed' by now. And yet there are still absolutely horrible moments that I am unable to be the person I need to be.

I often feel like I'm pretending- just going through the motions and nobody knows what is going on. But who wants to know? This isn't rainbows and butterflies. This is messy.

My Boys

2011-10-07T22:52:00.002-04:00

I realize how fortunate I am. There are three amazing boys in my life, one of whom happens to be a truly outstanding husband.

Ian. Dear, sweet, chunky, lovable, Ian. My second born, he is full of life and wonder. In just under four months he has nearly tripled his birth weight. As I sit here holding this precious gift, feeling the warmth and weight of his body on mine, listening to the gentle rhythm of his sleepy breathing, I am full of love and gratitude. Life for him did not start out easily. He had to fight his way into this world, and fight to stay here. Now there is no question- he is healthy and thriving. His beautiful dark hair is gradually filling in, while his gorgeous blue eyes continue to shine. Loving him is easy. His laughter melts my heart and calms my soul, if only momentarily. The way he looks at me reminds me how much he needs and loves me.

Levi. Amazing Levi, full of love and surprises, he fills me with joy and reminds me to savor the moments. I am in awe of how gentle and caring he is. Through all of the turbulent changes this summer brought him, he has remained joyful and easygoing. He is curious about the world around him- always trying to figure it out. He has so many words, thoughts of his own, opinions, draws his own conclusions, and is not shy about expressing them. The other night as I helped put him to bed, I was singing to him and he kept asking ‘another one, another one’ while he gently rubbed my arm. Moments like those I hope to never forget. He made me a mother. He changed me forever the moment he was born, and continues to shape me every day since.

Tony. My strength and my love, he is the most amazing man that exists. He is patient, gentle, generous, a wonderful and loving father, compassionate, creative, passionate, selfless, honest, kind, and so much more. He loves me well. He knows everything there is to know about me and yet still, somehow, wants me, wants to share life with me. He has not had any easy role being my husband. From my back surgery to postpartum depression, he has had to be there for me through many difficult times. And each time he exceeds any expectations. We recently celebrated our seven year anniversary. I use the term celebrate loosely since we weren’t even in the same state, but I know we’ll have many more years to celebrate properly. Being married to him and having him as my partner in life has made me a better person.

I am one incredibly lucky (and grateful) woman.

Moving

2011-08-22T21:15:00.003-04:00

We decided recently that life was a tad too boring and we had far too much free time and the best solution was moving. You know, because I've mastered the whole mothering a toddler and infant thing, while also taking care of the daily details of the rest of life. (cue laughter that ends sort of awkwardly because of the sad truth that the exact opposite is true).

*eh hem* Sorry about that tangent.

So. We're moving. This time, we're staying close by. Instead of moving to a different state, we're staying in the same neighborhood, just a few blocks away from where we are currently. We'll be situated on a nice, quiet, one-way street. Our backyard includes a play structure for the children and lots of grass, as well as a patio area for a grill. I am extremely excited about the outdoor space.

The house has recently undergone a remodel, which includes new cabinets in the kitchen, dishwasher, and garbage disposal. You have no idea how great those last two things are until you don't have them. There is some storage space in the basement, as well as a washer and dryer. The floors are bamboo throughout, with tiling in the kitchen and bathroom.

The two biggest downers are the space and the parking. There are only two (small) bedrooms, and the apartment is just shy of 1000 square feet. Considering we're currently in a three bedroom, 1600 square foot apartment, we'll be doing some serious purging. The other issue- parking- there are only spaces on the street- no off street parking. The upside is that it is a slow one way, so I'm hoping (and expecting) that parking won't be an issue. *fingers crossed*

Between the lower cost of rent and the smaller space for heating, we should save a little bit of money, which will be nice.

We'll still be within walking distance or close by to everything we love, including our friends and parks. Our landlord lives next door and has two children of his own. Him and his wife seem really friendly, and normal, which will be nice.

Starting September 1st we'll haul our boxes and other junk over to the new place, and on October 1st we'll turn in our keys to the first home we had in Buffalo, the home we brought our babies home to.

I am mostly looking forward to this move, but there is an emotional aspect to it that I didn't expect. There are so many memories created here, life began here for our children and this is the only home they've known. Of all the moves we've made as a married couple, this one is the hardest for me emotionally. Definitely bittersweet.

Two Months

2011-08-06T21:09:00.004-04:00

Two months ago (almost to the minute) my sweet Ian burst into this world. The first few weeks of his life were harder than we hoped or expected. He proved to be a fighter immediately and is continuing to amaze me with his strength and sweetness.

He is starting to make many new noises, is working on smiling and is gaining more and more head control each day. Waking hours are more frequent now. He is sleeping in good stretches at night, usually four or more hours. So far nap time is working out to fall at the same time as Levi's, so mom is able to join them for a much needed rest as well.

I am in love with this baby and am so grateful he joined our family, making it complete. I am looking forward to his many firsts and watching him grow. I already love how gentle Levi tries to be with Ian and can't wait until they are able to play together.

Two months ago he changed me in ways I didn't think were possible. And I am stronger because of him.

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

2011-07-13T21:13:00.004-04:00

Over the last few weeks, we have endured a lot. When Tony's two weeks of vacation were up and he was working from home during the third, we knew that we needed someone to help us out so Tony could get back to work.

We ended up hiring a doula to help me with Levi and Ian during the day, as well as with house work, for three days a week and relied on friends for the other two. The doula we hired was wonderful. I had met her during my prenatal care at my midwife's office and she was the one who encapsulated my placenta. She visited me during Ian's hospital stay, and I always admired her peaceful and kind nature. The details fell into place exactly when we needed them to.

During the second week of her assistance, I was starting to feel more and more like myself. I had been on my medication for a couple of weeks at that point and I had also started therapy. We were finding a rhythm, and life felt less overwhelming.

This past weekend our friend Daniel and his two boys were able to come for a visit. There was no way I would have been able to handle it a week ago, but I felt confident that their visit was at the perfect time to be fun and enjoyable for everyone. While they were here we had a wonderful time. We were able to make it to the local farmer's market, check out the zoo, and even take a day trip to the Strong Museum. We were all exhausted by the end of their visit, but it was the best kind of exhaustion. I was thrilled to be participating in life again.

Monday morning they were planning to leave, and I had a doctor's appointment. I left Levi with Daniel so I didn't have to wrangle two kids in the office. While there, Daniel called to tell me that our landlord informed him that we needed to vacate the house for the day while painters worked to remove the paint on our house that most likely contained lead. Fortunately he was able to talk with the landlord to advocate for us since I was busy and unable to deal with it at the moment.

We ended up staying in a hotel for two nights and came home this morning. What transpired in those two days was nothing short of stressful and chaotic. And it knocked the wind out of my sails. While most people could have taken it in stride, I was just getting my footing and it was simply too much.

Things are worked out now (as far as I know) and it should be smooth sailing from here as far as the painters go. I am hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.

I cry a lot lately. I need to ask for help much more than I am comfortable. I struggle sometimes to take care of my children, but their needs are being met and I am the best mom I can be right now.

This week has taught me that postpartum depression doesn't disappear overnight. I will make progress, and have set backs. There will still be moments that the only thing I want to do is run away and never look back. But there will also be moments that I get to enjoy the sound of my toddler laughing. I know that there will be a time that those good moments will be much more frequent than the hard ones, and that soon I will be able to savor them properly.

Labor, Delivery, and Ian Petty

2011-06-20T21:27:00.003-04:00

On Friday of Memorial Day weekend I started having extreme pain in my stomach. At first I thought it was heart burn, but after a while I knew it was something more going on. I called my midwife in the middle of the night and we decided I should go into the hospital. A friend brought me in and after several hours they decided it was gall bladder related. My midwife suggested a low fat/no fat diet to get the pain under control and they sent me home. Through out the week, things were still not right. Despite my best attempt to avoid any food that could trigger the pain, by the end of the week I was still in a lot of pain and becoming more and more concerned.

Saturday, June 4, the pain was unbearable and I spiked a fever. Once again, I went back to the hospital and I was admitted that evening. This time my blood work had confirmed that I had developed HELLP Syndrome (a specific, more rare and more serious version of preeclampsia). My platelet count was low, my liver was enlarged and not working properly, and I had epigastric pain. The only cure is to have the baby, so we started inducing Saturday night.

By late Saturday any hope I had of a home birth was gone, and now my focus was to have a safe vaginal delivery. They started me on magnesium sulfate to prevent seizures and also put in a catheter, saying I was unable to leave the bed. I was also told I would not be able to eat or drink anything. They started me on Cervadil with the hopes of starting labor.

Sunday morning the OB that works with my mid wife (due to the high risk situation I was in I was no longer under the care of my midwife) came in to see me and made the really difficult situation better. I was able to have the catheter removed, was allowed to eat and drink and could now walk from the bed to the bathroom. They continued to draw blood every six hours to check all of my levels, which were progressively getting worse each time.

By mid-sunday I was started on Pitocin to encourage labor and I was moved to a new room. I was on Pitocin all day with no progress. My mid wife came in that evening and we tried a variety of things to get labor going, with no success. We decided to stop the Pitocin for the night and put in another Cervadil overnight. As my midwife was preparing to leave, I started having another really bad attack with the epigastric pain. It was intense. We decided to give me some Nubain to get me through the night. As soon as the medicine was in, I felt much better. It took the pain away and allowed me to sleep. It is a narcotic and knocked me out.

Monday morning I could tell things were not looking good. The entire attitude of the nurses and staff had changed, and I was nervous about being able to deliver vaginally. They started the pitocin again and I started having some contractions. Nothing regular, but contractions. My cervix was making some changes as well. We decided to use a foley ball to encourage my cervix to dilate. My chiropractor also came in to the hospital to do some adjustments that would help labor progress. At 6pm my midwife and the OB came in and were very discouraged. They said if I didn't have Ian by 6am the next day they were going to have to do a c-section. We decided to break my water and hope that would get things going. At this point I was willing to do whatever I needed to in order to have a vaginal birth.

Because my platelet counts were so low (in the 25,000 range), having a c-section was extremely risky. I would have to have general anesthesia and they would do a blood transfusion before they even started. The chances for bleeding out or developing a brain bleed were high. I was determined to avoid this.

They were able to break my water at 7pm, at which point I was dilated to 4. That started my contractions and they were now intense and regular, just as we were hoping. At 9:10pm (just over two hours from breaking my water) Ian was born. I was able to deliver Ian med free and without tearing.

It was amazing. Wonderful and joyful. Tony caught Ian and we were able to spend a few minutes enjoying this beautiful baby boy. He was laid on my chest, still attached to the pulsing placenta. Those few moments of getting to know my baby, savoring the victory that my body just won, and welcoming our son into the world were precious. And short lived.

Ian was brought to the NICU because he was having a hard time breathing and they were concerned about a rash as well as an enlarged stomach. Those issues all cleared up quickly and he was released from the NICU.

My platelet counts were still extremely low, but everything else was resolving itself.

I was able to go home on Wednesday (under strict orders to not be alone and to be extremely careful- any bump to the head could have resulted in a bleed).

Things were going well, but my milk still hadn't come in. Which is to be expected considering the trauma my body went through.

In the middle of the night Thursday (3:30am Friday morning) Ian had a really scary episode during which he appeared to not be breathing and other disturbing signs. We called 911 and went to the ER.

They did a spinal tap, put in a catheter, and took blood and urine samples. They started antibiotics and fluids. He was to be monitored for 48 hours. They did and EEG as well. All of the tests ended coming back negative. The best guess as to what happened is that he was dehydrated and undernourished (due to lack of my supply). We supplemented with formula friday night and I went home to rest. His blood sugar and output perked up to where it needed to be, and he was doing great.

We were sent home on Sunday and Ian is doing really well. My milk has come in and he is done with formula.

My mom came to help us for a few days, and when she left my dad and his wife came. They were extremely helpful. We were alone as a family on Tuesday and have been struggling since to work through everything. I am now working through postpartum depression, and things are tough.

We are working on getting me to a healthier place- until then we are taking it one minute at a time. I am so grateful for my son and our family. This has been an extremely challenging time for us. We are not through it yet, but I know we will get through it together. One day at a time.

My Baby Sister

2010-07-25T14:45:00.002-04:00

Most of you reading this know I have a not so baby, baby sister. She is now twelve and we unfortunately don't get to see each other nearly enough since we live eight hours away from her. After several conversations with parents, figuring out logistics, and a quick trip MI, we were able to bring my sister to Buffalo. She has been staying with us for the last week and will be here until Friday when we leave for Muskegon.

We have really enjoyed her being around and I am going to miss her when she goes home. We've learned it is difficult to find activities to entertain a 12 year old that a one year old will also enjoy, but we've been doing our best.

Levi has enjoyed her too, although I have noticed some jealousy from him. He didn't like it when Bethany sat on my lap. He climbed on top of me, squeezing between the two of us, then pushing her away from me. He has also been extremely clingy to me and has started throwing full blown temper tantrums, which most likely has nothing to do with her- she just happened to be here when it all started. (lucky for her)

I am enjoying getting to know more about my sister- understanding her likes and dislikes and what she enjoys- and hopefully she is having a bit of fun.

Summer Fun

2010-06-15T14:22:00.003-04:00

There are times that we have relatively little going on. We fall into simple routines that work for us, and the days blur together with little distinguishing one from the next.

Lately, however, it feels as though each day has been crammed to the brim with out of the ordinary events, some more exciting than others.

A little over a week ago Tony had his wisdom teeth pulled and he has been in pain since. This has led to sleepless nights, some missed work, and a few trips to the dentist and pharmacy.

Last Monday, we bought a new car. A 2006 Pontiac Vibe with 42,000 miles on it. We were reluctant to make a purchase that required a car loan, but the Dodge Stratus became too unsafe to continue driving and not worth putting any money into. We did our homework and got a great deal that works for our budget. We turned in our car and picked up the new keys on my birthday.

With the weather perfect for outdoor adventures, we try to spend more daylight outside than in. We've found new parks and playgrounds, hiked trails, and found a beach for swimming. Levi seems to love exploring and we enjoy learning even more about our new home of Buffalo.

All of this outdoor playing has led to a messy, messy house. The dishes were out of control, laundry needs to be done, and there is clutter everywhere. And it never ends. It is a one step forward, two steps back process at the moment. I am determined to get it under control. Tomorrow.

Levi is sick right now- croup is making him miserable. He has a fever, runny nose and watery eyes as well. Nighttime has been rough.

This weekend my dad and his wife are coming to visit. I am excited to see them and hoping to get some free time with Tony.

Our weekends are basically planned through the end of July. We are trying to make the most of this summer and enjoy every minute. I guess the house might be dirty more frequently than not.

Worth Celebrating

2010-05-12T20:49:00.002-04:00

Levi had a much better night last night and woke up smiling, mostly back to normal. He woke up to find the front room full of about 50 inflated balloons. Some were still floating, but most had fallen to the ground. He loves balloons. Later we filled a pack n play with the balloons and stuck him in it- he loved it.

We had him open his gifts and let him play with them- the fridge magnets were an instant hit. I am not sure how long they will stay on the fridge, though.

Levi had a difficult time napping and was rather needy so we decided to postpone the trip to the butterfly conservatory.

All in all, I think he had a pretty great birthday. I enjoyed it. The best part is the celebration continues. Tomorrow his grandma arrives in town- the next day more family, and Saturday we party!

Levi is definitely worth celebrating. He is an amazing child, full of joy and laughter. He amazes me each day with his curious nature and gentle demeanor. To be his mother is truly a gift.

Distraction

2010-05-11T12:17:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow is Levi's first birthday. We had plans. We were going to celebrate and make his day special.

But yesterday he woke up with a fever and the doctor confirmed he had an ear infection. Last night he barely slept. Today he is exhausted and his body is working so hard to heal itself. I doubt he will be up for any adventure tomorrow.

I hate seeing my baby in pain. I hate that there is nothing I can do to take his pain away. I can hold him and love him, but he still hurts. He looks to us as if to ask why we are letting him hurt. As if he thinks we have the power to stop it and are letting him be in pain.

And the timing seems like it couldn't be worse. Not only is his birthday tomorrow and family will be arriving soon to visit- but there is a major recall on most infant medicine.

So today, when I would much rather be focused on his birthday and celebrating his life, I am struggling to make sure he is pain free and comfortable.

I know at the end of the day, I am overreacting. It is a simple ear infection. He will be fine. He is healthy and strong. I am fortunate that this is the exception to his health and not the norm. And I am grateful that Tony and I are able to love on him and cuddle with him as long as he needs it.

Levi doesn't care what day we celebrate his birthday- in fact I'm sure he will be perfectly happy to have a quiet day with his parents. I just want him to have the best. To know how loved he is. He deserves nothing less than pure joy and happiness.

So Much

2010-05-05T20:29:00.002-04:00

Each day I think about posting again here and updating Levi's blog. I know it has been too long and each new day that passes makes it that much more challenging to make the time to create a post worth posting. I mean after nearly two months of nothing, the first post should be exciting, right? But what do I talk about?

Levi? I could fill numerous posts about my sweet baby. He is going to be one next week and I can't believe the time has gone by that quickly. Wasn't I just pregnant? He is an excellent walker at this point and can stand up completely by himself. He is a fast little boy, full of energy and laughter. I love his easy going personality and his strong desire to explore.

Or do I talk about Tony and how amazing he is? In the last year Tony has had to adjust to working in an office environment where you are expected to work when and how they want you to. It has been challenging for him and yet he has shown how resilient he is. He has received numerous praises from his managers. He continues to be a caring, supportive friend and husband. He thrives as a dad, loving Levi is beautiful ways and making sure to spend ample time with Levi.

Or what about our friends that we've made? Because we have been extremely fortunate to find such wonderful people. I really enjoy the people we are getting to know here. They care about us and Levi. Buffalo has really become home to us, and that is in large part because of the great people we know here.

And then there are all of the random happenings, such as:

-We are starting a CSA with Promised Land Farms in May. I am pumped for this, although a little nervous. The CSA we were a part of in MI was wonderful and I am hoping this one lives up to my expectations. I have heard great reviews, so I am very hopeful.

-Tony and I both need to have our wisdom teeth removed. Not scheduled yet, but hopefully by the end of the year we will tackle this.

-Our first date night in a long time is this Saturday. I don't know what we're going to do, but I'm ready to get away for a few hours with Tony.

So. There. The pressure is off. I have updated my blog. I will do my best to keep it updated from here on out. :)

Organizing

2010-03-14T22:14:00.003-04:00

warning: this post is boring. Sorry. For cute pictures, check out Levi's latest blog.

I have become obsessed with organizing lately. I want everything to have a place. Things need to be neat and tidy. I don't particularly care about design as much as function.

To that end, this weekend we worked on cleaning and organizing the house. Through the winter we closed off a part of the house in hopes of saving some money on our heating bill- with little success. The part of the house that was closed off collected junk and dust over the last few weeks as well as the space we were living in.

Begin project move all of our furniture from one room to another, sweep and mop empty room, then repeat. Throw in Levi's antics and you have a busy and fairly exhausting day.

Our house is now back in order, including Levi's toys being completely organized. The kitchen still needs its deep clean. The kitchen floor is in desperate need of good mopping and there is junk still cluttered throughout the room. Ugh.

We have about ten bags that we use for random thing- diaper bag, tony's work bag, gym bag, lunch cooler, etc... that usually end up on the kitchen floor because they don't have a home. I'm at a loss for a good solution. They need a home that will work well. They need to be put away yet easily accessible.

Remembering

2010-03-03T14:03:00.004-05:00

One year ago we were saying good bye to Grand Rapids and our Pleasant Street Apartment,

Loading our car with everything that we didn't have time (or a box) to pack for the moving truck,

and saying hello to Buffalo and our new apartment.

Looking back, it was a hectic time. We had lots of details to coordinate to pull off the move, I was seven months pregnant fighting pneumonia, and Tony was transitioning into a completely new job.

We had no idea what the year would hold- that Levi would be born on May 12 a perfectly healthy, happy baby with an amazing ability to make us laugh. Or that we would quickly find good friends and that Buffalo would so immediately feel like home.

What I miss about Grand Rapids:
-Marie Catribs
-Family and Friends close by
-Lake Michigan
-Mars Hill
-Trillium Haven CSA

What I love about Buffalo:
-BuffaloMommies
-Wegmans
-our apartment (did you see those floors)
-Lexington Coop
-India Gate

Bed Time

2010-02-28T16:11:00.002-05:00

We have been working on establishing a set bed-time routine to encourage Levi to fall asleep earlier and go down easier. We try to read three or four books each night as a part of our routine. This particular night he was exhausted and by the time we finished the first book he was out.

Something New

2010-02-19T07:31:00.002-05:00

I can not believe it has been nearly two months since I have posted something here. I can assure you it is not for lack of story. Levi keeps us busy and is constantly changing. He has taken his first steps and grows braver each day. We are still wondering when his first tooth will appear.

Tony and I joined the YMCA in January and I have been enjoying the benefits of membership. They offer free child watch, so I get an hour to myself to work out. Levi really enjoys playing there, so it has been a great for both of us.

I am desperately awaiting spring. This winter seems particularly long to me. I am longing for a day of warm sun on my face and a good long walk around the neighborhood.

There. A new post. Perhaps now it won't seem so daunting to update this thing.

Petty Holiday Update

2009-12-21T22:47:00.002-05:00

This year we were too lazy to send Christmas cards. Instead, I decided to do a recap of our year here.

In January we found out we were having a boy. Much to my surprise. It took us a while to decide on the name. Levi. Perfect.

February was a big month. Tony was offered a job in Buffalo. We had about two weeks to make arrangements for moving. Last minute plans involved a baby shower out of town, multiple trips to Muskegon to say farewell and gather belongings from storage (in my mom's shed).

March was the BIG move. Also in March, I drove back to Michigan for a baby shower, my grandmother passed away, and Tony started work at the new company.

April flew by. We worked on adjusting to life in a new place and preparing for the new life that was about to take over.

We welcomed Levi into the world on May 12. Life has been a blur of joy and sleeplessness since.

I celebrated my birthday in June and enjoyed a visit from my mother and sister. We tried to spend a lot of time outside and continued to adjust to life with an infant.

Levi made his first trip to Michigan in July. We celebrated his birth with family in Durand.

August brought the Rudds to visit us. It was a fantastic time to see them. Levi turned three months and showed us how strong he is by rolling over and trying to move around.

We went apple picking with friends in September and made a ton of applesauce.

In October we celebrated our five year anniversary. Also went to a pumpkin farm and Levi loved his first Halloween- he was a monkey. Also mastered crawling and enjoyed solid for the first time.

Levi's first trip to Muskegon was in November, as well as his first Thanksgiving. He is a great traveler. On our trip Levi climbed an entire flight of stairs.

It is December and we are looking forward to celebrating our first Christmas with our son. I fully expect this holiday season to be the best yet- so far it is living up to expectations. Non rushed time spent with friends, meaningful traditions being started, memories created with our amazing child.

2009 has been a good year for us. I anticipate 2010 will be even better.

Missing It

2009-12-08T09:58:00.002-05:00

Lately I have felt a lot of tension.

Pure joy because life is absolutely wonderful.
Sinking depression because life is never perfect.

Satisfying peace because of all we have overcome.
Suffocating anxiety because there are still 1001 things to juggle. Constantly.

Utter amazement that my Levi is so healthy, strong, and happy.
Deep fear that it won't always be this way.

Growing love for my amazing husband- time only makes him better.
Constant worry that I'm not living up to my end of the bargain.

Amazement that I am a mom.
Doubt that in any way I am the mom I want to be.

Excitement for our future and all that it holds.
Fear that we'll always struggle to keep our heads above water.

Peace.
Fear.

Joy.
Worry.

And time continues. It doesn't pause for me to figure it all out. Levi is growing, seasons are changing. I am missing it.

I choose happiness.

New Post

2009-11-30T09:46:00.000-05:00

Check out my update on our trip to Michigan over on Levi's blog... www.levipetty.com

Pictures to come soon.

It's Official.

2009-11-05T08:50:00.002-05:00

I am one of *those* parents. You know, the ones that endlessly drone on about how cute their child is, the ones that think every little thing their baby does is Amazing. The ones that have a website dedicated to their offspring- yep that is me.

So, check out levipetty.com. From now on I'll be posting stories and updates about my little man over there. Also off to the side are links to his pictures and videos.

This blog, well, it will either go silent or I might start trying to write about things Other than my child.

Happy Little Man

2009-11-04T22:43:00.002-05:00

How can you not smile when you see this face? More pictures and stories soon. For now, enjoy this face. :)

More Milestones

2009-10-23T22:30:00.003-04:00

I apologize for the lack of posting and pictures. Unfortunately there will be no pictures to go with this post. See, we bought a new digital camera about a month ago and the memory card that we use with it doesn't work with the script that Tony wrote a while ago to upload pictures. So, we haven't been uploading pictures because it takes too long. But he is working on a solution as we speak... errr, as I type.

And there are some good pictures of some fun things.

Since I last posted, Levi has had solid food. We started with sweet potatoes and he has since had avocado, banana, applesauce and pears.

He is also crawling. Yes, crawling. Mostly army crawling, but nonetheless he gets where he wants to be. He is working on the more efficient arm-leg crawl and is able to get up on all fours and then push himself forward, usually doing a face dive that leads to an army crawl.

He rolls around a lot. And spins in circles. Diaper changes are difficult. He does not like to stay still.

He is physically able to sit up alone, but most of the time chooses not to. He isn't very stable and would rather be crawling.

He also laughs a lot. He loves to play peek a boo. When his dad gets home from work he gets really happy.

Levi is now a little more than five months old (I missed his actual five month birthday to post).

We've taken Levi apple picking and out to a pumpkin patch to get his first pumpkin. He is going to be a monkey for Halloween.

We have switched from the infant car seat to the convertible car seat. He was just too big to keep him in the infant one. We need to put it away, along with the bassinet, infant bath tub, and perhaps even his swing. Soon I will be putting away his 6 month clothing.

He is growing up. Quickly. And I am doing everything I can to enjoy every moment.

Sweet Levi

2009-10-07T21:25:00.003-04:00

Levi,

I love you. Forever. Your eyes are sweet and gentle and your laugh melts my heart.

Love,
mom

Five Years

2009-10-02T12:06:00.002-04:00

It has been five years since I married the man I fell in love with. Today I am in love with an even better version of that man. Together we have grown. Together we have faced struggle and found ways to over come. Together we have welcomed our son into the world.

I have so much more I would love to say. About how amazing my husband is. How much he has grown and the wonderful father he is. About the joy I have knowing that I get to spend the rest of my life with this man.

Unfortunately our son is sick and I am under the weather as well. So my brain isn't working and I should be napping with my sleeping sick boy.

So, happy anniversary love of my life. The last five years continually offered moments that I will forever cherish- I am confident the many years ahead of us will be much the same. Thank you for loving me.

Four Months

2009-09-12T21:49:00.004-04:00

My baby is four months old.

Not so sure how exactly he bent his foot that way.

He is a very happy baby.

His eyes smile too.

Here his smile is turning into laughter.

"Mom, can I please have that camera?"

"I *will* get the camera."

Tony took this shot on our walk.

Levi and his friend Damien fell asleep on our walk tonight.

Levi is quickly developing and growing. At his appointment he weighed 15 pounds 6 ounces and is 16.25 inches long. He is a healthy, happy baby. We are so blessed to have such a wonderful baby.

This month seems to be full of many milestones and "firsts" including:

-first game of "peek a boo" He was laughing out loud and loved it.
-first time he rolled from his back to his stomach.
-he now inches forward when he is on his stomach by pushing his body off of the ground and forward with his legs.
-grabs toys and brings them to his mouth- also passes toys back and forth between hands
-recognizes his name
-laughs. A. Lot.
-he is able to put his pacifier in his mouth (not always the right way), and takes it out (usually not on purpose).
-recognizes items- breast/bottle, pacifier, mom/dad

We have been told by his pediatrician we can start giving him solids at any time. We are very excited to start this next phase, but after much discussion think it is best to wait at least a few more weeks. He is definitely interested in food and shows many signs of being ready, but we don't want to rush it. We originally talked about waiting until six months, but now we are not sure how long it will be.

One of my favorite things he does is when he touches my face. When holding him facing me, he will gently use both hands to touch my face. He looks at me and often "talks" to me. Then he will slowly lower his face and turn it to the side so I can give him kisses on his cheeks. He is so sweet and I love cuddling him.

The Rudds Visit!

2009-08-31T15:25:00.007-04:00

The Rudds arrived on Thursday around 3 in the afternoon. Within minutes, our quiet apartment was full of laughter, screaming and chattering of four excited children. We had a great few days together. I wish it could have lasted longer, but all things must come to an end. Because I was so busy enjoying my time with these wonderful people, I didn't get as many pictures as I would have wanted to fully capture our time together.

Friday morning- can you think of a better way to start the day?

Ginger watching an animal at the zoo.

Katie getting some snuggles with Levi- not sure who enjoyed it more. Levi loved cuddling with Katie.

What great timing on the picture. Nice job, Daniel.

The kids enjoying the polar bear. (from a safe distance)

I love Will's faces.

Enjoying the children's zoo.

Isaac enjoying the carousel.

The train at the end of the day was a big hit.

Really, it was.

Seriously.

First time Daniel's changed a diaper in a long time.

Headed to the falls.

"Where is the trolley stop? Is it here?"
"I don't know- I think so- that is what the map says?"
(notice the sign in the background)

So this *is* where the trolley stops. :)

Thank you for traveling so far with your four children to meet Levi and spend a couple days with us. We enjoyed every moment.

Three Month Levi

2009-08-14T20:27:00.004-04:00

On Wednesday Levi enjoyed his 3 month birthday. He had a wonderful day at home and I was able to take some great pictures of him. These pictures are from the last few weeks.

Levi has his hands in his mouth most of the time. He loves to suck on them. When nothing else is readily available, he will suck on his lip.

New friends, Sterling, Amanda, and Quinn (she is hiding in the wrap).

Happy Levi at the park.

Enjoying time at the park with dad.

Levi is reading his book. He enjoys looking at all of the animals.

"Mom are you still watching me?"

This was taken on Wednesday.

Levi is a very happy baby and I love his smile.

Exhausted after a long day of activities. He is a wonderful sleeper.

Levi Loves Youtube

2009-08-09T16:32:00.001-04:00

The other night I was watching a video of Josh Groban while holding Levi. He enjoyed watching the video and when it finished playing he was sad. We played it again and captured some of his excitement on video.

***side note: all videos of Levi will now be posted on My Youtube account, which is: youtube.com/tarapetty***

All Smiles

2009-07-30T15:13:00.001-04:00

This was the first time I was able to capture his smile on camera. Absolutely perfect.

Bath Time

2009-07-22T21:55:00.005-04:00

This is after Levi's very first bath.

And this picture was taken last week sometime.

Levi loves his baths. He is already splashing around, unintentionally, but still gets water all over. Bath time is my favorite. I love to play with Levi while getting him clean, and the time we spend together while massaging lotion onto his smooth skin is wonderful. I will always cherish these memories.

But, the best part perhaps, is that it quickly calms him down. On the nights that he is fussy and nothing else will help, we fill the tub and stick him in. Within moments he relaxes and usually has a large smile on his face. We then continue to splash and clean as long as he stays content or the water gets cold.

On another note- Levi had his 2 month check up today. He weighs 12 pounds, 9 ounces, which places him in the 75th percentile. He is 24.5 inches long, and is in the 95th percentile for length. He is doing great. He also had his shots today. That was a very sad moment. Fortunately, he calmed down quickly and has not had any side effects.

A Road Trip and a Party

2009-07-21T11:59:00.008-04:00

Getting ready to go. Thanks to Great Grandma Clements for the "I love to travel" onesie. Perfect time to wear it.

Sleeping. This is what he did for most of the car ride both ways.

Waiting on the bridge to get through customs. Took us nearly an hour to get into the U.S.A.

Back to Michigan. Only one more hour to go, that is if I get on the right highway. Woops.

The following are pictures of Some of our family. Try to keep track. :)

Aunt Nicole is very happy so see her nephew.

Grandma Sandy (tony's mom) and Grandpa Rick (tony's step dad) along with Aunt Nicole. They drove over from Muskegon to go out to dinner with us.

Levi was really happy to be out of his car seat and enjoyed our hotel room.

Grandpa Rick (tony's dad) loves his first grandson. And Levi is wondering what that is on his head.

Grandma Ellen (tara's stepmom) enjoys holding Levi.

Grandma Tina (tony's stepmom) and Great Aunt Nancy are working hard to get up decorations. Thank you guys for all of your hard work.

Grandpa Gene (tara's dad) quickly steals Levi away... and gets to feed him

The obligatory shower cake. Thank you guys. It was Yummy!

Great aunt Nancy stealing some time with Levi. She is wonderful with him.

Cousin Debbie- she was very excited to meet Levi.

Great Great Aunt (right?) Betty keeping Levi nice and warm.

Cousin? Jeremy Last time we saw her she was pregnant with her now 4 year old son.

Levi is happy to be in daddy's arms.

Everyone that came was very generous and I had a fun time opening Levi's gifts.

Tony, Grandpa Rick, Grandma Tina, and Great Grandpa Alex (Tina's dad) holding Levi

Grandpa Rick, Grandma Tina, Great Grandma Judy (Tina's mom), and Great Grandpa Alex holding Levi.
Pastor Tom and his daughter Erin. She was thrilled to get to hold Levi. It was really nice meeting the Cooper family. Erin's mom Diane was Super helpful and they all are really kind people. Stop by sometime if you're ever in Buffalo!
(funny coincidence- they know my uncle craig and aunt pam)

Levi cuddling with Grandpa Gene.

Great Grandma Clements (Gene's mom)
I think she's telling Levi secrets.

Great Grandpa Clements (Gene's dad)

Four generations. Always gotta get that shot.

A bit awkward, but hey, at least we got a picture of all of us. :)
Grandpa Gene, Great Grandma and Grandpa Clements, Grandma Ellen. Levi is getting tired of all these pictures.

On the way home. Again, a very sleepy Levi.

Back to New York. Getting into NY was a lot quicker than getting into MI.

Levi is overjoyed to be home. Thank you Aunt Nancy for the wonderful seat. He loves it already.

We had a wonderful time getting to see some of our family again. For those of you keeping track, that wasn't even all of our parents, siblings, or grandparents. Levi has a very large family that is glad he is here.

Thanks again to everyone that came to Durand and for all of the hard work and sacrafice that was put into making the shower happen. We are very grateful.

Cutest. Video. Ever.

2009-07-19T21:38:00.002-04:00

We just returned from a fun and exhausting trip to Durand, Michigan. This video was shot a few days before leaving.

I will post pictures and stories soon from our trip.

Two Months

2009-07-12T21:29:00.004-04:00

Levi was born two months ago. He is growing, changing, and learning so much. I love listening to his noises. He is so vocal and expressive. Everyday he seems to be doing new things.

For the most part, Levi does great sleeping through the night. Occasionally he stays up way too late and has a rough night, but usually he goes to sleep by 11:30 and sleeps for six straight hours. Then he wakes to feed and goes back to sleep for about three hours. He also tends to take a long nap from 3-4:30, give or take a half hour either way. The sleep at night along with his long nap has allowed for me to stay mostly well rested, and our house to stay fairly clean.

He now rolls over very often from his stomach to his back. I am amazed at how strong he is. Sometimes he gets fussy when we are holding him because he would rather be standing. He can fully support his own weight- just needs our help to balance. He can completely hold his head on his own (has been able to for a while).

His smile is priceless. It is the most beautiful smile. When he is really happy he smiles with his whole face. He has let out a few giggles, but has yet to fully laugh. I am sure it will be a wonderful sound that I will cherish. He is cooing and making all sorts of noises, mixing some consonants in with his vowels. When he is "talking" to us he will say "ahh goooo" a lot. He will mimic, or attempt to mimic, the faces I make.

He loves reading time and playing on his activity mat. When I put him down to play, he will talk to his toys and loves to watch them move. When he is content and I read to him he is interested by the pages and likes to look at the book. When we go out for adventures, he loves to take in his surroundings.

My baby is wonderful and has fully captured my heart. When he hurts I hurt, when he's happy I'm happy.

He is perfect in every way and I am so lucky I am his mother. I get to watch this boy grow into a man. I get to see him change daily, encourage him when he tackles new challenges, celebrate when he succeeds, and support him when he fails. That makes me very happy.

My Levi

2009-07-07T23:27:00.002-04:00

I have thought about updating this quite frequently, but each time I attempt to I get distracted or fail to come up with what I want to say.

Tonight I want to try to get a few thoughts down. I am holding my precious Levi as he sleeps, which is occasionally interrupted with a smile and a giggle.

He has been sleeping in his crib since Saturday night. And he does great. He has slept through the night three times now, which I find to be amazing. We started sleeping him on his stomach*, which I think helps him sleep better. If only he would go to bed before midnight.

He has been smiling lately. A lot. And cooing and making lots of sweet noises. And I can now relate to the challenge of capturing these moments on camera. Just tonight Levi was smiling and mimicking everything I was doing, for a good few minutes. I had Tony pull out the camera and just like that he stopped. I guess that will be another moment that is ours alone to treasure.

He still has gassy fussy spells, but they are less frequent then they were. For the most part he is a happy baby that is very easy to love.

He is also a big boy. He weighed 11 pounds 6 ounces two weeks ago. He is already outgrowing some of his 0-3 month onesies. I went through the clothes we had packed away and pulled out some of the bigger stuff.

Little things, like taking the head support pillow out of the car seat because he no longer needs it, makes me realize how quickly time disappears.

He is an amazing gift. I am so lucky to get to spend my days taking care of him. It is such an awesome responsibility and I hope to protect and nurture him so that he never questions how much he is loved.

I am fully aware that it is recommended to sleep babies on their backs. For us, this works, but it is not a decision we made lightly.

New Toy

2009-06-29T23:18:00.004-04:00

Daddy + Moby = Very Happy Levi

"What?"

This is the first time Levi used his new toy. He really loves it.

Chillin in his diaper on a hot day.

I love all of Levi's faces. He is very expressive. He continues to make new noises and is now smiling frequently. I brought him to the doctor last week (he had been crying for hours and it seemed like he was in pain- but he was just exhausted and unable to settle himself down.) and he weighed 11 pounds 6 ounces. He is a very healthy boy.

Hair Cut

2009-06-25T21:32:00.002-04:00

Before:

After:

So these pictures aren't the best, but you get the idea. I am enjoying having shorter hair. More pictures of Levi coming soon.

Green Smoothie

2009-06-21T21:37:00.004-04:00

What do you get when you mix 3 peaches, 2 bananas, and 6 cups of spinach? A nutritious, delicious smoothie.

A friend of mine mentioned her recent commitment to trying green smoothies and I was interested. Tony and I are always trying to find new ways to eat veggies and other good food. Lately we've struggled. Apparently when you have a newborn and time is limited, you begin to make choices based on how quickly you can get food ready, which often means poor food choices. Junk food has slowly begun to find its way into our cupboards.

When we finished putting away our groceries today, our fridge was full of colorful food and our cupboards were almost bare. This put a smile on my face. Tonight we made our smoothies for tomorrow and from the taste test I had, I'm excited to finish the treat tomorrow.

Lots of Levi

2009-06-19T12:28:00.004-04:00

Levi is getting so big. I can not get over how quickly he is changing and growing. I don't think I will ever get used to it. He weighs over ten pounds now and is very strong. He has pretty good head control and has rolled over a few times. Levi loves to explore his world- looking around and taking everything in. He is making lots of new noises and learning how to get what he wants quickly. Lucky for us, he seems to be settling in to a somewhat regular schedule.

More Pictures of Levi

2009-06-10T15:46:00.004-04:00

Levi's first bottle. It is so nice to be able to pump and have Tony feed him.

Moments before Levi let us know he was done with the photo shoot.

I laid Levi down for a minute to get dressed, and returned to find him like this. I think he might be a bed hog like his mom.

I love watching him sleep.

Sleepy boy so happy to see his dad after a long day at work.

The whole group at Niagara Falls.
(Laurie, Grandma Lori, Tara, Tony, Levi, Aunt Bethany, Julie)

The Petty family at the falls.

Four Weeks

2009-06-09T16:21:00.002-04:00

Four weeks ago we were welcoming our son into the world. Since that day, we have had very few dull moments.

Levi has had a few baths and loves them. The warm water is soothing on his belly when is really fussy.

Levi's umbilical cord fell off, and he has the cutest little belly button.

Little more than two weeks ago, Levi started having fussy spells. It started with a four hour crying session. At this point they think he is just gassy/colicky. Yesterday he had a dr appointment to make sure there wasn't something more going on. The doctor ordered X-rays to rule out a condition that would require surgery. Fortunately the picture was good.

Levi now weighs 10 pounds. He has started cooing and is very alert when he is awake.

All of our parents have now made the trip to come meet their first grand baby. Each visit was unique and we are glad that they were able to come.

We have taken Levi on several walks and a few fun outings. He loves riding in the car and going for walks, either in his stroller or snuggled in the moby.

Tony continues to be an amazing father and husband. While having a baby is certainly stressful, we continue to work well together and are learning how to navigate life with a baby. I am reminded often how great our life is and am more in love with Tony each day.

I am looking forward to all of the upcoming firsts and trying to savor every moment.

First Bath

2009-05-27T20:07:00.003-04:00

Scrub-a-dub.
(don't mind the dishes- after all, we do have a newborn)

Life is great in daddy's arms.

All done- time to get dressed.

Hello World

2009-05-20T20:36:00.006-04:00

Sleepy daddy.

Going on my first walk.

This is me!

Here's my mommy.

I made daddy yawn.

On my walk, I saw a sun bathing squirrel.

At the end of my walk, we saw lots of houses.

Pictures of Levi

2009-05-15T13:27:00.002-04:00

Welcome Home, Levi

2009-05-15T12:51:00.002-04:00

All day Monday I was sore. My hips hurts, my back was achy, and I just felt off. I was able to get a few things done around the house, but I mostly had a lazy day. When Tony was out of work we bought some groceries and by the time we got home it hurt to walk and I was exhausted.

Around 1am I started having contractions. I wasn't sure they were contractions at first- I thought they were gas pains. Once I realized they were coming every five minutes I knew it wasn't simply gas. We called our midwife at 2:30am and let her know that I was having regular contractions. She told me to get comfortable and that I had to labor a while and it was best to do so at home, especially if we wanted to avoid an epidural.

I took a shower, walked around, laid down, did everything I could to get comfortable and the pain was getting worse and worse. At 4:30am I felt it was time to go. The contractions were now 2-3 minutes apart and very strong. We called the midwife back and we decided to meet her at 5:30am at the hospital.

We arrived a few minutes before the midwife and were prepped for an exam. When Martha showed up she checked me and said that I was already at least a 5, possibly a 6. She said that a lot of the hard work was done, and I would have this baby by lunch.

We got a room and were hooked up to monitor Levi and my contractions for a few minutes. The contractions were extremely painful at this point and I was considering getting Nubane for the pain. Martha suggested a shower and walking around. So, we got in the shower and that helped for a minute, but I couldn't stand for very long because of the pain.

At 7am Elaine came and Martha left, because of the shift change. Both midwives were absolutely wonderful.

Getting back into bed, I was checked again and was a 7. I asked for the medicine and shortly thereafter had an IV in and felt a lot of relief. I was out of it, but the contractions were much less painful. This whole time, Tony was there, helping me out and supporting me. He did an amazing job of comforting and encouraging me.

After a while of easier contractions, I asked when I would need to be checked again. Elaine told me when I had the urge to push I would need to be checked. A little while later, I needed to push. Elaine checked me and I was a 9 1/2. My cervix was getting caught between his head and my pubic bone, so she didn't want me to push yet.

The medicine felt like it was starting to wear off, and I was in a world of pain. The only way it felt better was to push, but I wasn't supposed to. By 9:15 I could push and was so happy to hear that.

When I started pushing, it hurt. Alot. I was terrified of the pain, thinking something was horribly wrong and all of a sudden I didn't want to push, but needed to. Elaine caught on to what was happening and told me to not be afraid of the pain- I was doing everything right and this was happening exactly how it was supposed to.

I continued pushing, and Elaine had to break my water. Once it was broke, I had a couple of very strong contractions, more painful pushing, and was screaming at the top of my lungs. It hurt more than anything I have ever experienced. Elaine had a mirror propped at the end of the bed and soon I could see my son's head coming. At that point, the next thing I remember is seeing a ton of liquid of disgusting shades of brown and green come spraying out of me and the next thing I know Tony is putting Levi on my belly.

After 15 minutes of pushing, Levi was born at 9:31am. Tony helped in catching Levi, but because of the commotion, didn't cut his cord. Levi weighed 7 pounds, 7.7 ounces.

Levi wasn't breathing or crying. It freaked me out. Immediately Elaine took him and they brought him to the warmer to clear out his passages because there was meconium in the amniotic fluid. They were able to get him to breathe, but he wasn't really crying or making noises because he was drowsy from the meds I had. I was able to hold him for a few minutes, but they wouldn't let me nurse yet.

When they did let me try to nurse, he wasn't interested. He was sleeping and there was no getting him to eat. Then they took him away for "recovery" in the nursery. Tony went with to the nursery, but he could only stand out side and look in at him. We didn't get to see him again until 2pm. I was one angry and scared mom. I wanted my boy.

When we got him back, I tried to nurse but he was still sleeping and wanting nothing to do with waking up. We were so worried because he looked lifeless. A nurse and lactation specialist came in and explained he was tired from the medicine, but was perfectly healthy. The lactation specialist helped me get him to nurse for the first time, and he has been feeding well since.

Later that evening, he became more alert, and has since become very expressive and is absolutley perfect. We came home yesterday and had a long first night at home, but we are all doing well.

Waiting

2009-05-03T16:01:00.003-04:00

Our bags are packed for the hospital.

Levi's room is organized and ready to go.

The car seat is installed.

The bassinet is clean and assembled properly.

The monitor is charged.

All of Levi's clothes are washed, sorted, and organized.

The birth plan is finished and printed.

The pre-registration paperwork is filled out.

An email is ready in the draft folder waiting for details and pictures to announce Levi.

The camera has new batteries.

A plan is in place to get us to and home from the hospital.

The breast pump has arrived.

So, now we wait. Wait for Levi to decide it is time to meet us. Wait to meet our son. Wait to get to finally put a face to this baby that has been kicking and tickling me for months. Wait to have our lives turned upside down in the best possible way.

Levi, your mom and dad are waiting, anxiously waiting, to meet you. Come out whenever you are ready. We'll be here waiting to love you for the rest of our lives.

Sweet-ness 7 Cafe

2009-04-26T13:34:00.002-04:00

We found it. It took a while, but we found it. We found our coffee house. It is perfect. About half of a mile from our house, in a rough neighborhood, is the best coffee shop.

The building was purchased about a year ago by a grieving mother that lost her son in a car accident. She found this run down building and saw the potential it had, despite it's questionable location. Taking a risk, she purchased the building and started renovating, using materials from other buildings that were rundown and, with the assistance of many friends and neighbors, created a beautiful place to hang out.

This morning we ordered our drinks and sat at the counter, hoping to strike up some conversation. The owner was working the grill, efficiently putting orders together while sharing with us a bit of the building's history. I did a google search and found some very interesting details to fill in more of the story that she shared.

On our way back from the coffee shop, I felt my heart connecting with this new city. I can see us here, creating a home here. There was something deeply rewarding about finding this coffee shop. Maybe it was the sun and the fresh air combined with the great opportunities of meeting and connecting with new people this week and that made this great find even more exciting.

36 Weeks

2009-04-22T18:27:00.002-04:00

Time flies. Today marks the 36th week. I am 90% of the way through my pregnancy, and have 28 days left. I think the scariest number is the 28 days. That is such a short amount of time.

I had another appointment today and am very excited. Things are going so well. My blood pressure was back to normal and I have even lost a pound. (I'm thinking it was the stomach bug diet that made me lose that pound)

It is mandatory in the state of NY to have an HIV blood test done when you are pregnant. I understand, but in my case I know I don't have HIV and think it is a waste of time and money to test me for it. But either way, they took my blood today.

They also did the Group B Strep test and checked my cervix. I am about a 1 and she said about 60-75% effaced. She said she was able to touch his head and that it isn't going anywhere. The head is in the -1 position, which means his head is dropping.

After feeling my belly and pushing on the baby she said he already weighs 7 pounds and that if she didn't know better she would think I was further than 36 weeks.

All of a sudden this feels real. This baby is coming and from the sound of it, sooner rather than later. I am so excited! I can not wait to meet Levi, to hold him in my arms, to get to know his personality, to stare at him for hours on end.

The time is coming and I am getting very excited!

Nothing Much

2009-04-14T09:50:00.002-04:00

Here is what has been going on with us:

-Friday my dad called around 2pm letting me know he was about an hour away from Buffalo. This was a surprise. My dad and his wife came by and we all went out to dinner. They are currently staying in Cleveland while my stepsister is undergoing brain surgery and other procedures.

-Friday night my mom and my sister arrived around 11pm. This was a planned visit. Unfortunately, Beth had been throwing up in the car ride over and was not feeling well. My mom decided she needed to go the hospital, so we spent Saturday morning in the children's hospital. Beth quickly perked up and felt great the rest of the weekend.

-Saturday night we made a trip to see Niagara Falls. Had a good time. We only live about 20 minutes from there, so it might become a routine trip for us.

-Sunday we had dinner with my mom and Beth and my mom's friend PJ. PJ is a "magician" that my mom has known for a longggg time. He had a show in Buffalo and offered to let my mom and sister ride with him, making their visit possible. Dinner included homemade mini pizzas. Nothing fancy, but it did taste good.

-Monday I had an appt. I started bleeding a little in the morning and was concerned. My blood pressure is still a little high, but other than that everything is good. Five more weeks.

-We have finally finished decorating and organizing Levi's room. I am pretty proud of how it turned out. There is only one thing missing- Levi.

Big Boy

2009-04-02T18:04:00.002-04:00

The men in the Petty family are known for a few things. One is baldness. Most men go bald at some point in their twenties. Tony still has a full head of hair, much to his disgust. The Pettys are also known for making bib babies. Tony's grandma's first son weighed 14 pounds at birth.

I have been warned of this "Petty curse" and didn't think too much of it. After all, that was at least fifty years ago when he was born and she went two months past her due date. In addition, Tony and I had normal birth weights. So, of all the things I had been worried about, this was not one of them.

Last week at my appointment, my midwife said I was measuring large and wanted to have an ultrasound done. I was measuring 37 and at most should have been 34, according to her.

So today I went in for my ultrasound. Everything looks wonderful. His heart has all four chambers with a good heart beat, he has all of his limbs, his head is already positioned low, and the tech was even able to see that he has hair.

The first measurement was his head. I am 33 weeks along and his head measured 35 weeks. Once the tech was done, she said that according to their estimates he already weighs 5 pounds, 6 ounces. And he is supposed to gain half a pound each week, with 7 weeks left. Yikes. If these numbers are accurate and I go full term, I will have a very big baby.

Road Trip

2009-04-01T13:11:00.002-04:00

Friday I dropped Tony off at work and headed to Muskegon. I normally love road trips, but was really nervous to be on my own for a seven hour drive. Fortunately, the drive went well and I made it quicker than I expected.

I spent the weekend with family and friends and really enjoyed being back "home." It was very comforting to be in a place that I know so well, where I can drive around without first having to map where I am going. The sad part was that my other half was at home. So I felt at home but missing a piece of me.

I was able to spend some quality time with my sister who is now 11. We went out to eat and had some time for just the two of us to hang out. I am amazed at the woman she is becoming. She is very kind and generous, smart and quite funny, but also has a bit of an attitude.

Between my baby shower and Jaely's birthday party, I spent some time with friends and family that I haven't seen in a while, and who knows when I will see again.

I hung out with my cousin and her boys at their new house. I stayed one night with Tony's dad on my way home. It was great to see him, but I felt very lonely being there without Tony.

I stayed with the Rudds and they did a great job making me feel at home. It is amazing how the volume level changes in that home when the children are home. Sunday I was able to hang out with the four kids and loved it. Willow showed me her guitar skills, Will enjoyed showing me his room and toys and many tricks. Ginger was a siamese cat and also had quite a few impressive tricks to show off. And Isaac informed me that when he is big and has a baby in his belly that it will be a Levi. They are all growing up too quickly.

I met with a Lamaze coach in Grand Rapids on my way home, and stayed Monday near Flint. Tuesday I finished the trip home, after locking myself out of my car at a gas station.

I was able to get Tony early from work and I came home to a house completley unpacked and clean. The dishes were done, the laundry was done, and the floors were uncluttered. My husband is great. We spent the evening together going through the shower goodies, and going over every detail of the weekend that we had.

I am so happy to be home, to be with my best friend. This is home. And life is good.

***note... I was unable to take very many good pictures. I do have a couple videos that may be posted in the future***

Moving and Settling

2009-03-10T20:15:00.002-04:00

The last week has been full of emotions and life changing events.

We left Michigan on Monday and arrived in Buffalo on Tuesday. The trip here was quite smooth, and the apartment we found online turned out to be really nice. We were able to stay the first night in our new place Wednesday.

By Tuesday night, my nerves were frayed. I felt completely disconnected. I was ready to have a home, and we were still in between.

Wednesday was a welcome change as we were able to unload our car at our new place and get a little bit settled. We spent most of the first few days running errands, trying to take care of the details of moving.

Late Thursday night I received a phone call from my mom that my grandma had passed away. The next day my grandpa was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I have really struggled with the fact that I can't be there for my mom. I couldn't go home. There was no way.

Friday the movers came with our stuff, and again, we were able to take a deep breath and relax. I no longer felt in between places, and was ready to get unpacked.

Saturday I woke up having a hard time breathing. I have been fighting a cold for over two weeks now, and this cough has hung on, refusing to let go. After spending the day doing absolutely nothing, I thought I would feel better. When I woke up Sunday hardly able to breathe, we decided to go in to the ER.

The doctor said I have pneumonia. Great.

Tony started his new job yesterday. He has enjoyed his time at work so far. I am so happy for this opportunity and every new thing we learn about the company confirms that this is where we are supposed to be.

But for the first time since we got married, Tony is not at home working. My other half is not with me. And I don't like it when we are apart. I actually like spending time with my husband. I don't like it that I can't walk in the other room and cry on his shoulder when I am having a hard day, and I can't share with him something funny when it happens.

I am at home alone feeling miserable. I have so much to get done. So much I want to do. But no energy. Today I slept for most of the day.

I miss home, but I want to make Buffalo home. I want to meet new people, to unpack our dishes and get Levi's room ready, but I can't breathe. I am extremely happy that Tony has a great job, but I want my best friend to be with me working.

The moving part was relatively simple- the settling is what is proving to be a challenge.

One Week

2009-02-23T10:18:00.002-05:00

In one week, the movers will come and load our belongings into a truck, we will take care of last minute details, and we will leave Michigan.

In the past week we have made sevaral trips to Muskegon and said good bye to many people we care about. We have been busily working to find a new place to live and firm up as many details as possible.

Not to mention all of the changes and new experiences with our growing baby. I hope that in all of the chaos of moving that I have been able to fully enjoy and savor the wonderful moments of this pregnancy.

Our lives are changing. Quickly and drastically, and as far as I can tell, wonderfully.

There are often moments and events that impact your life dramatically, yet very rarely are you aware of the significance of that particular moment as it happens.

When you decide to call someone you barely know in hopes of getting to know them better, and maybe make a good friend- who later you end up falling in love with.
Or when you decide to make a quick stop at a store to make one last purchase before leaving town for an exciting trip- and an unlicensed driver causes a horrible front end accident that prevents you from taking that trip.
Or when you take a course at the local college while you are a senior in high school simply because you can- and that one class begins a series of events that will forever change the way you view the world.
Or when you don't give your uncle a hug good bye because you are busy and assume you will see him tomorrow- but the next time you see him is at his funeral a few days later.

When this happens, you miss the beauty or magnitude of that exact moment. It is only until later when you are fully able to understand the consequences of your choices. The simple fragility of life.

But this decision, this choice, this opportunity, this moment, I am very aware that our lives will never be the same. We will grow and change in ways completely unexpected.

And at times the wonderful grace and unending possibility that we have been offered is too much to comprehend. I am so profoundly grateful that our lives continue to offer hope and very aware that a story of redemption is unfolding, a story that is the longing of our hearts.

In one week we will take the next step in this beautiful story.

Moving

2009-02-10T18:48:00.003-05:00

Today we received a phone call that will change our lives. Tony was offered a job at a company in Buffalo. The pay and benefits are great, the people that Tony met were friendly, and we are very excited about this opportunity.

They want Tony to start in 3-4 weeks. So, by March 9 we need to be moved to Buffalo. Crazy!

I am so excited, and at the same time very nervous and overwhelmed. We have soo many details to work out. We need to find a place to live. We need to find someone to take over our lease. We need to get passports. We need to make arrangements to have our stuff moved. The list goes on.

And more than all of that, I am extremely proud of Tony. He has grown and developed his skills so much over the last few years. And he has now been offered a wonderful job that will continue to improve his skills and offer him an environment to thrive in.

25 Weeks

2009-02-04T11:13:00.003-05:00

Today marks the 25 week milestone. Only 15 weeks left. I can not believe how quickly everything is going.

Also, this morning Tony was able to feel Levi kick for the first time. It was great. I have been feeling him move a lot lately, but anytime Tony tries to feel it Levi stops moving. Already a defiant little guy. :)

I have been feeling great and working 40+ hours at my new job. On my days off I am exhausted and tend to sleep most of the day.

We have our crib and changing table set up, collecting clothes and other items for Levi. We have registered at Target and a shower is in the plans that my mom is throwing. We have our deposit in for a Lamaze class that I am very excited about.

With the possible move to Buffalo, I have been trying not to think about all of the many details and plans that would need to be worked out to make everything go smoothly. We would need to find a new hospital, midwife/dr, Lamaze class, pediatrician... not to mention all of the details of moving to a different state.

I keep reminding myself that it will be much easier to move while I am pregnant than it would be with a young infant.

In 15 weeks our life will have changed forever. In many ways. Trying to enjoy this moment, day by day, and not think about what is next. That is really hard for me.

Job History - Random Thoughts

2009-01-19T11:35:00.003-05:00

Lately I have been feeling a bit like Kirk from Gilmore Girls, who always has a new gig to bring in the money. Too bad I haven't been able to save any where near the $250,000 he did.

My first "real" job was at Joni's Cones, an enjoyable summer job scooping ice cream and waiting for unexpected visits from Tony, who at the time was "just a friend." Since then I have worked in three different restaurants, each time being reminded why I don't ever want to work in that industry. My longest job was working at Target, though I didn't keep the same position very long. As soon as I started to get sick of whatever job I had, I would find a way to switch positions, which kept things semi exciting.

Before Target, I worked at Arcadia Health Care as a home health aide, mostly assisting the elderly with personal hygiene and housework. I thought I would love it, as I have always enjoyed taking care of children. But I learned quickly taking care of children is nothing like taking care of the elderly, and I am not blessed with that gift.

My favorite job by far was as nanny of two of my favorite boys. Soon, I will have my own favorite boy to take care of. Hopefully the many hours I spent with them has somewhat prepared me for the 24/7 childcare that will soon consume my life.

I also worked part time as a telemarketer for an insurance agent. That was worse than any restaurant job I had. I will never forget when I called to ask for some Joe Smith, having his wife answer only to tell me that Joe recently passed away, and no, he was not available.

Then there is the part time work I do for stock20, answering email and other various tasks that end up being passed on to me. This I enjoy, but it is a barely part time gig.

My newest job is as a tax preparer for Jackson Hewitt. So far, I love it. I am learning a lot, and being somewhat challenged, but at the same time I don't feel completely overwhelmed or inadequate. And the timing is perfect. Tax season will be over a month before Levi comes, so I will have some time for last minute preparations.

The biggest dilemma is that while I have enjoyed most of these jobs, if only for a season, none of them have provided any sort of inspiration for a lifelong career. Unlike Tony, I don't have one thing I am passionate about that can pay any bills.

So for now, I am a tax preparer. And in a few months I will be a mother. I have a feeling no job will ever be more desirable than that of being a mom.

Our Crazy Car

2009-01-09T17:22:00.002-05:00

Today we brought our car in to have some work done. The rear drivers side wheel bearing needed to be replaced, and we did not want to repeat our experience in Chicago when the passenger side went bad.

Money has been tight lately, which is the story lately with pretty much everyone, so we have been waiting to have it done. Over Christmas for various reasons we accumulated some extra unexpected money. When we called to get a quote for the work to be done, it was exactly the amount that we have received. We have to wait to deposit one of the checks for a while, which brought down how much extra we had. Today, when the mechanic called and told us it was ready to pick up, the new total was now exactly the same amount of the new balance of money.

And the mechanic we brought our car to we met earlier this summer at a party and his shop is within walking distance, so we did not need to hassle with rides or public transportation.

When we picked up our car, the noise it was making was gone and we were feeling really great about the entire situation.

Then we got on the highway.

Fortunately, the roads were kinda bad so traffic was moving pretty slow. When we hit about 50mph we noticed that there appeared to be a large sheet of ice moving up our hood onto our windshield. It didn't take long to notice that it was not ice, but our hood. Our hood had somehow popped open and was now laying flat against our windshield. This is not a good situation to be in when the slick highway is busy and you are in the left lane.

We were able to pull over safely and assess the damage. The windshield was not shattered and we were able to get the hood to securely latch. No major damage was caused, just some big dents in the hood and other cosmetic damage.

We went back to the mechanic. They said that they did not even open the hood, which makes sense. They did take a look at it and said that there was nothing structurally damaged, just cosmetic issues.

I am so grateful that we were not injured and the windshield didn't shatter. Unfortunately, I think Tony will be forever afraid of our car. I think he was just getting over his fear from the last horrifying events that have happened. But it is still running and hasn't killed us yet.

It's A Boy!

2009-01-06T22:50:00.003-05:00

Today we had an ultrasound and were able to see that we are having a boy. The ultrasound was wonderful. We could see him moving around a lot. At one point he turned his head and appeared to be looking at us. He was swallowing and we could see his mouth moving, and he kept waving his fists around. It was amazing!

While our boy was cooperating to show his parts, he wasn't cooperating to be in a position the tech wanted to measure everything. So we get to have another ultrasound next Friday, and hopefully he will be in a better position.The pictures aren't that great for the same reason.

A wonderful profile shot of our baby boy.

Proof that it is indeed a boy. There is an arrow in case you're not sure what you are looking at.

Here is one of his feet.

What Will Never Be Said

2008-12-27T16:52:00.004-05:00

You let me down.
You disappointed me
and broke my heart.

I miss you in my life.
Although, come to think of it,
you barely ever were.

And now I blame myself.
If only I would have
and if only I wouldn't have...

Then,
maybe,
you would want to know me.

Maybe some day you will.
For now,
I am done
trying, hoping, waiting.

Names

2008-12-21T22:41:00.004-05:00

Ever since I was in the second grade I knew what I wanted to name my first son. Wierd, maybe, but I knew. I had a name picked out and I stuck with it for a long time. When Tony and I were dating and talking about kids, I let him know that I wanted this name and made him like it, despite the fact that a kid with the same name bullied him as a kid. Then I found out I was pregnant. And slowly the name has faded and I don't like it anymore. I think Tony is happy I have moved on.

And I never could decide on a girls name. And Tony is pickier than I am. So, we have no names. Hopefully when we find out the gender, we will have an easier time deciding. But for now, we can't think of any that we love. Some that we like, that are ok, but none that we could picture naming our child.

So, we would love any suggestions for names. Here are some things to keep in mind:

1- We would prefer a name that means something.
2- We want a name that is fairly unique, but not bizarre.
3- If the name lends itself to nicknames, fine, if not, fine.
4- If you make a suggestion, please don't be offended if we don't use it. It doesn't mean we don't like you.

And also, since we don't know the gender yet, we would love to hear your guesses as to what it is that I am growing.

Thanks for taking the time to respond. We look forward to your input. :)

A Snowy Farewell

2008-12-19T20:20:00.003-05:00

This morning Tony and I made our way (slowly) to help with minor last minute packing and say good bye to some really good friends.

We have known Tim and Stephanie for just over a year, and in that time we have become quite fond of them. They are truly great people and we hope to be lifelong friends with them.

This morning they left to begin the next step of their journey. First, they will be visiting family for the holidays. Then they will be living in Vermont, each of them working an internship, at Yestermorrow Design/Build School. Yestermorrow is a unique design school that seems to have been created just for these guys. Their time at Yestermorrow is currently planned to last one year. Who knows where they will be next. I'm not so secretly hoping it is somewhere close to us, but you never know.

Saying good bye today felt no different than any other time we have given hugs and walked through the doors to come home. But, soon I am sure it will hit me that we can not just stop over for an unannounced visit, plan a night to make dinner together, or spend a day at the library.

Their departure was certainly bittersweet. I am beyond excited for what they will experience in the next year and the many ways they will grow, both individually and together. Yet there is the selfish part of me that will miss them tremendously.

Love you guys and wish you safe travels and wonderful memories.

Perspective Check

2008-12-10T09:58:00.002-05:00

For various reasons I fully expected our trip to Arkansas to be a bit difficult. Yet it seems that no matter how I try to prepare and anticipate for challenging situations, then adjust my expectations and plans accordingly, it doesn't make anything easier.

Our trip started with a bit of a rough drive, making me one tired and cranky person. When we arrived in the middle of the night I was in no way prepared to socialize. I wanted to go straight to bed, but his grandparents were eagerly awaiting our arrival and were excited to talk.

Waking up the next morning and starting our week I was quickly annoyed and put off by many things. I was way out of my comfort zone and not feeling well. To add to the stress, Tony's grandparents have a different way of living and thinking than we do. They are sweet and kind people, but sharing living space with people that have a different lifestyle than you do is difficult.

Last night we were all sitting around talking and I was doing my best to participate in the conversation without judging or getting annoyed. And something changed. Paul and Ada were sharing their stories, talking about their lives.

Finally they were not talking about their political or religious views, discussing other people and their shortcomings, or complaining about health problems. They were talking to us, not at us. And I was finally in a state of mind and had the energy to engage in conversation, asking questions and wanting to take full advantage of learning about what has made them who they are.

For the first time, I saw them as people. People with hurts and pains, hopes and fears, and lives full of story just like the rest of us. That quickly changed my sour attitude.

I am sure there will still be moments of struggle, but I hope I can remember how I felt last night. I hope I can keep a healthy perspective and give them the respect they deserve. And maybe, just maybe, I might have a little fun along the way.

Dishes and Stitches

2008-11-30T19:15:00.002-05:00

In the middle of doing dishes, a glass broke while my hand was in it and cut open my finger. A hazard of doing dishes by hand, I guess.

Once I saw the blood coming out of my finger I knew I would need stitches and was quickly getting light headed so I thought driving was out of the question. Luckily our friends Tim and Stephanie were home and came quickly to bring me to the ER.

A couple of hours later, we were on our way home. Fortunately none of the glass got into the cut. After an x-ray and plenty of numbing medicine, the doctor put in four stitches and I was ready to go home.

The dishes still sit on the counter waiting to be finished and my finger is slowly returning to its normal size.

Holiday Plans

2008-11-26T11:09:00.002-05:00

I just realized that Christmas will be here very soon and our schedule is pretty full until then. It is nice to have a full schedule because of time spent with family, not because of a hectic retail work schedule.

Wednesday is Tony's birthday. We don't have anything planned, but will probably find a fun (free) way to enjoy the day.

Then either Wednesday night or Thursday morning I am going to go up to my grandparents' house near Manistee. My grandma just had a hysterectomy and I am going to spend a few days with her during her recovery.

I will come home either Friday night or Saturday morning, then on Saturday we are leaving for Arkansas. Tony's grandparents live in Arkansas and we are riding with his dad to visit them. We will be back the following Saturday.

That Sunday we have two Christmas parties, one in Muskegon and one up north. We can't do both and don't know if we will be able to make it to either.

Other than those parties, we have six or so other holiday obligations that are up for discussion as to whether or not we will make it.

Our next prenatal appointment is on December 23 which is exciting.

And of course there are the usual plans and day to day activities that can't go ignored just because of the holidays.

I know that everyone has crazy schedules right now, most probably more so than ours. And I am not complaining. It just hit me that our time between now and Christmas is mostly accounted for and am nervously excited to see how everything works out.

It Wintered Over Night

2008-11-24T13:10:00.002-05:00

Quick Petty Update

2008-11-21T15:16:00.004-05:00

- The crib is now assembled. Still needs minor adjustments.

- Had our second baby appointment on Thursday and everything is great. I lost weight, had good blood pressure, and got to hear the baby's strong heartbeat.

- My sister is staying with us for a few days while my mom recovers from a relapse.

- It is snowing outside.

- My grandma is having a hysterectomy on Monday. Hopefully she doesn't have cancer.

- I am officially in the second trimester.

- We are narrowing down our choices for baby names.

Scary Moment

2008-11-17T16:40:00.002-05:00

Today Tony had an appointment scheduled to have a punch biopsy done on one of his moles. When we were at his doctor last, he noticed a very small black mole and wanted to biopsy it so we set up an appointment for today.

Tony was laying on his stomach, the doctor had the area numbed, and was just starting to show the med student how to remove the mole.

I was standing by his head, watching, and trying to be supportive. As I stood there, I got light headed and the lights started getting brighter, but objects were getting really dark. I thought "hmm. I feel like I might pass out. I wonder if I'm going to--"

Then I am on the ground and Tony is yelling my name, unable to move because his back is bleeding. Fortunately, I didn't hit my head on anything.

Apparently I had leaned forward over Tony and everyone thought I was trying to get a better look, then all of a sudden I was falling down. I was slightly embarrassed and very scared.

The doctor didn't seem to be concerned. He made sure I drank some water and took some time to calm down.

When I got home I called my midwife's office and talked to the nurse. She didn't seem to be too worried, but had the midwife on duty give me a call. At my next appointment they will probably check my blood sugar and blood pressure, but she said it is fairly common in pregnancy and to make sure I drink plenty of water and take it easy.

Hopefully this does not happen again.

Slowly But Surely

2008-11-12T12:47:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago we picked up a crib mattress from Daniel as well as a crib sheet. (Thank you so much.)

That same day we stopped at my mom's and picked up the crib that she used with Bethany. I was a bit reluctant thinking it might not be up to codes, but it is, and we were able to give it a good wipe down, and it actually looks nice.

So I was very excited to get home and put it all together. But we quickly realized it was missing some hardware. Not too surprising since it has been ten years and a couple of moves since the crib was used.

We weren't sure if it would make financial sense to buy the parts instead of a new crib, but Tony found a company online that sells parts for cribs. We called today and placed the order for the springs that attach the mattress base to the crib itself, as well as nuts and bolts, for less than forty bucks. They should arrive in the mail on Monday or Tuesday.

I am soo excited to finally be putting together the crib. I know we have a long time but having a crib assembled will really make it seem real. So I'm hoping the parts are the right ones and everything works.

Tony Always Provides Humor

2008-11-09T16:18:00.002-05:00

"Can't you tell if you have a penis inside of you?"
From a conversation discussing whether or not we are having a boy.

and also

"Man, I am smart. I should have a really good job."
a couple of seconds pass
"How do you spell italian?"

Dear Obama

2008-11-03T13:11:00.001-05:00

You have my vote.

Please stop calling me.

Thank you.

Freedom

2008-11-01T17:01:00.003-04:00

Today I quit my job. I have been working at Olga's for a few months and it is the worst job I have ever had. The managers are unprofessional and the atmosphere was very catty.

Other than that, my hours were horrible. It started out decent, scheduled 20 hours. Unfortunately, they sent me home early every shift so I ended up clocking about 13 hours. And it kept getting worse from there. Mostly I was scheduled two days a week, and I was always sent home early.

Everyday that I have had to work, I get so stressed about going in that I end up sick, on top of my usual pregnancy sickness. And at work I have been clumsy and accident prone. So I haven't been the best employee in the world either.

The stress that I was feeling was not worth the meager income I was receiving. So I quit. I hate quitting, and it took a lot to get me to a point that I was ready to, but we felt it was the best move for us.

This isn't the perfect time for me to not have a job, but I think it is healthier for me and the baby for me to find something else.

So, anyone know of anyone hiring in GR?

Weekend with Women

2008-10-28T18:17:00.004-04:00

I spent this last weekend with this amazing group of women at a beautiful house in Caledonia. Most of them go to Mars Hill, but some don't even live in Michigan. I was the youngest of the group, which I am used to and was in some ways really nice. It was like having a bunch of moms for the weekend.

Most of our time was spent getting to know each other and learning each others stories, each of which are full of pain and disappointment. The experience stretched me. I am not one to go on womens retreats, but one of the leaders of the retreat encouraged me to go so I went.

It was a beautiful weekend, but I was very happy to get home. I missed Tony more than I thought I would and I missed the comforts of being in my own space.

All in all, I am glad I went and I hope that some lifelong friendships were made.

Baby Petty

2008-10-23T17:34:00.003-04:00

We had our first appointment on Wednesday and everything went well. Our midwife tried to find the heartbeat using a hand held Doppler, but wasn't able to hear it. So she scheduled an ultrasound for today.

So we went in for the ultrasound today and they were able to find the heartbeat right away and it sounded great. So many of my fears were put to rest when we saw our baby and heard his/her strong heart. It was amazing.

Our baby is real. I am really growing a life. Our life has changed forever. I am going to be a mom. And I couldn't be more happy or excited.

Transition

2008-10-16T12:26:00.002-04:00

Our life seems to be transitioning in many areas.

Relationships are taking on new dimensions.

New opportunities are presenting themselves at key moments.

Spirituality is appearing in fresh ways that offers renewal.

The harvest season is ending, which will have an impact on our lives like never before.

Family dynamics are shifting.

I am used to change. I was raised expecting change. But constantly moving made me want stability and predictability. And now more than ever I want to feel a sense of certainty about our future. I want to know that we will be able to provide a safe and stable home to raise our child.

Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that life will look the way I want. In fact, it almost always turns out in ways I never would have expected.

A part of me wants to dig in my heels and resist any more change, demand that things happen in ways I can predict and understand. But I know this really is not what I want. This would not allow for the best possible life.

I try to remember the beautiful story that is unfolding in our life. I try to remember where we have been and doing so almost always fills me with a sense of great joy and hope about where we are going.

Mom Makes the Day

2008-10-11T10:08:00.002-04:00

We went to Muskegon yesterday to try to be supportive and encouraging to Tony's family. His sister Nicole had outpatient surgery. She had numerous cavities and because of her CP had to be out for them to put in the fillings. And Tony's brother is moving to Tennessee so we helped him pack some stuff. The details of the move make it quite concerning, but there is hope this will be really good for him.

After a few hours at the hospital and helping Joe for a while, we went to my mom's. She made us a chicken and noodle dinner, with homemade noodles. The meal is one that she rarely makes, but for some reason I have been craving it lately.

When we arrived, she gave us a gift that she had bought for the baby, a pack of three onesies. She said that she will have a little gift for the baby every time we come over. Those onesies are the first gift we have received for the baby.

I can't even begin to describe how happy that made me. Mom is celebrating life with us. She is happy for us. She is supporting and encouraging us. She is excited to be a grandma, to be a part of her daughter's life as it transitions to motherhood.

And for that I am extremely grateful.

Family

2008-10-09T13:41:00.002-04:00

Many of you reading this know that I used to have serious issues with my mom. Relational issues that I never thought would be resolved. And now, we get along very well. Our relationship has hit a few spots that have tested it in the last couple months, but we are still able to get along and have healthy dialogue.

Which is great.

But now, my dad and I and his wife are at odds. The last four years of our marriage have been primarily spent trying to find healthy ways of relating to and dealing with our extremely hurting and hurtful family. We never realized how hurtful my dad and Ellen had the potential to be.

We have limited a lot of contact with our extended families, which has been difficult, but after many stressful and unhealthy family gatherings, we knew it was right to cut back.

And we have had to deal with each one of our parents in their own way. It seems like after all we have done and tried, we would be in a better place with our immediate families than we are now, I guess I should say my immediate family.

My brother and I are not on speaking terms. My dad and I talk but he has no idea how much he has hurt me. His wife and I aren't speaking, after a huge fight we had in July that has never resolved itself.

I don't see any solution in sight. I guess I shouldn't give up hope; things with my mom were much more volitile and they worked out. It just feels different. Like I'm the only one that realized how messed up things are and they are fine with how it is.

I just want my baby to have a family that won't disappoint or hurt her/him. And that is out of my control.

Eight Weeks

2008-10-08T11:11:00.002-04:00

Today I am eight weeks pregnant. According to what I have read, my baby is about the size of a grape and the heart would show up in an ultrasound.

We had our first appointment on Monday, it was a pre-natal interview that was exactly what it sounds like. We met with our nurse and she asked us tons of questions, we had a chance to ask some, and she sent us away with tons of literature to read and a lab slip for blood work.

Unfortunately, our first real appointment isn't for another two weeks. We should hear the heart beat then, and we will be meeting with our midwife for the first time since conception. I am very excited and anxious to hear the heart beat.

I have still been struggling with nausea and stomach aches. Fortunately, I still have not vomited. But now barely any food sounds good. Even foods I normally love, like a tomato sandwich, and pizza, sound disgusting.

I don't feel like eating, but I know I need to, and when I let myself get hungry, the stomach aches get really bad. Tony has been really great at keeping me feeling as best I can. He makes sure I am eating and has been making meals when I don't feel up to it.

Eight weeks down, 32 to go. I have been told that time goes by really quickly, and I believe it, but the past four weeks seems to have been a very long time. I am trying to enjoy every moment and not look forward too much to the next step, instead savor the moment I am in.

Hot and Cold

2008-10-03T13:43:00.002-04:00

I have been extremely cold lately. Wednesday night we stood outside for a few hours while helping with the CSA pick up and were ready to find our way back to our warm apartment.

As we opened the door we were welcomed by a tropical atmosphere. We checked the thermostat and it read that the temperature was well over 80 degrees. Apparently our thermostat does not work so we have to turn the heater on and off to regulate the temperature.

I was warm for a few minutes, but then cold. With our apartment still very warm, I was freezing and wrapped up in two thick blankets. I did not have a fever or any other concerning symptoms.

Yesterday standing outside for hours again made me extremely chilled and again we came home to a very hot apartment. We took a brief nap and when I woke up I felt like crap. I was freezing and Tony was nearly sweating. I called my doctor to see if this was normal. I have never heard of being cold during pregnancy.

I have also been on the phone trying to resolve the heat issue. The woman I keep talking to isn't listening to me so she thought that we said the heat wasn't working. She also said that our thermostat controls the heat in two other apartments and the person in 2 complained she had no heat, so we need to turn the heat back on. They won't say when someone is supposed to fix the issue. I'm trying to not let this bug me, but it does.

The good news is that we don't pay the heating bill, but we still want to be responsible with heat and be able to live in an apartment that has a livable level of warmth.

As far as my crazy coldness, the nurse I talked to said that it is probably related to my thyroid and not to worry. They will test it Monday when they do the other pre-natal blood tests. She said it is common for women to have thyroid issues when they are pregnant, and since I already am on thyroid medication it is very likely that is what is going on.

That was a big relief. I'm still concerned that the levels could have a negative effect on the pregnancy, but after talking with her it sounded like there is no need to worry.

So, hopefully soon all of our heating issues will be fixed and I will not be experiencing these extremes as often.

Obama/Anniversary

2008-10-02T11:11:00.004-04:00

Today is our anniversary and also Barack Obama is in town. We decided to get up at 5am so we could ride our bikes to Calder Plaza and stand in line for hours to see him. I mean really, can you think of a better way to spend your anniversary?

This is the only proof we have that we were here. (we left our camera at home) You can't really see much, but that is Obama surrounded by a crowd of thousands.

And we were right there in the middle of it, one angry person away from a mob scene.

It was exciting to see him in person, although, mostly all I could see was the top of his head.

I'm not one for long lines and large crowds, so today didn't really do it for me, but I am very grateful that we were able to go.

Random Road Trip

2008-09-28T19:27:00.003-04:00

Tony and I have been spending a lot of time at home lately, which has led to both of us being antsy and somewhat on edge with each other.

So today I wanted to get out of the house all day. We decided to go visit Tony's dad. We haven't been to his house in an absurd amount of time, so we thought a drive to Durand would be the perfect way to spend the day.

Rick and Tina are normally around on Sunday, doing the traditional family dinner with whoever wants to show up, so we figured we would be safe in showing up as a pure surprise. However, as we got closer, we decided we should give them a little bit of warning.

We were greeted by their three dogs and great smelling food. Rick was very happy to see Tony. They were soon talking about computers and projects while I hung out in the kitchen with Tina. Soon after we arrived, Tina's brother Phil, his two dogs, as well as his girlfriend Crystal and her two daughters arrived.

If you are keeping track that is a total of five dogs, large dogs, and one highly allergic Tony in the same house. Luckily, Tony was somewhat drugged, but it was only a matter of time before he started feeling miserable.

There is a reason we don't visit them often. Whenever friends in Muskegon get together, people have often commented about the multitude of children that are in the mix. Well, with Tony's dad and Tina's family, it is the same except with dogs. Each member of the family has at least two large dogs and brings them wherever they go. We were lucky there were only five dogs.

I remember one holiday dinner the dogs seemed to outnumber the adults (I believe there were a total of 10 dogs and 11 adults). These dogs are inside, on the furniture, lick your face, dogs. They are talked to and treated like humans. They are great dogs, there is just no avoiding their allergy inducing hair.

This was in fact the first time I remember being around that family and there were actually children. The parenting style, well, was not the one I plan to use with our children. I may or may not talk more about that in a later post.

I remember when Tony and I started dating how taken back I was by that side of the family. They are really nice, but have a completely different view of the world. The dynamics of that family are absolutely the opposite of my family. Everyone seems to get along, but outsiders are rarely let in. The tone of their voices are almost always monotone. They find bodily functions to be a great source of humor, and are quick to announce safety after noisily releasing some gas.

Overall the trip was great. There were minimal discussions about politics, which is always best to avoid, and nobody burped in my face, a definite plus. And the best part was that we were able to get out of the house and spend some time with family.

Jury Duty

2008-09-26T19:24:00.002-04:00

I have always wanted to serve on jury duty. I don't know why, and I know that most people avoid it like the plague. But I have always wanted to go through the process.

A few weeks ago I received in the mail summons for jury duty and I was extremely excited. This was the second time I have received it, the first time I never needed to go in. This time I knew I would need to go in.

Unfortunately, I called in today for the second week and I have been excused. Other jury members were called in, but not my number.

Very disappointing. Maybe next time... if there is a next time.

Tony's Treadmill Setup

2008-09-22T22:15:00.004-04:00

Lately Tony has been feeling a little sick of sitting all day working. He has wanted to become more active in ways that he will be able to stick to. He found an idea online and ran with it.

Below are some pictures of his new setup for work.

Basically, he plans on walking while he works at approximately one mile per hour. That is slow enough to be able to type, read, and program, and still fast enough to be moving. It is about the speed that you would naturally walk while pacing the floor.

This is the monitor and keyboard setup he put together using whatever supplies we had on hand. The only request I made was that he didn't use his saw to cut any of the wood. He would have to make whatever we had work, or find a way to buy something that would. The only thing we had to buy was the treadmill, which we found on craigslist for a cheap price. The board that his keyboard is resting on is actually a piece of his previous desk that he took apart.

Tony found this idea on Saturday, found a treadmill, and has been working since to put it together. Today while I was in Muskegon he finished it.

Needless to say, I am extremely impressed and excited for him. It is really great to watch Tony recognize a problem and find a creative solution. He is constantly working on making our world better.

The Magic of Pine Tar

2008-09-21T10:43:00.002-04:00

My dad's side of the family is full of rednecks. A friend of the family always called me hillbilly, which used to really get under my skin. When I was a kid I was mostly unaware of how much the family truly was redneck.

I thought that most kids I knew were able to walk and milk goats on a regular basis, helped their grandparents butcher chickens, and ran around the farm barefoot whenever possible.

And using pine tar is just another example of my family's strangeness. We use pine tar for pretty much any wound.

When I was still very skeptical, I asked my doctor if she had ever heard of pine tar, or if she would recommend using it. She looked at me like I was crazy. She had in fact never heard of it, but said that if it seemed to work it would probably be fine to use.

I have since used it on many occasions, most often when I have burned myself, which happens frequently- especially now that I am a cook again. And you may be victim to hearing one of my pitches of why it is so great.

Yesterday I burned myself in two different places on my arms when I was working. We were extremely busy and I have been increasingly clumsy, which is a scary combination. I touched the warming element on the heating window at work, which left two nice burns on my right arm. And at some point I burned my left arm, probably grease or something.

Not wanting scars, I put a generous amount of pine tar on each burn and wrapped it up for the night. This morning in the shower as I washed away the residue of pine tar I noticed my burns were gone. The one on my left arm is slightly visible, but the burns on my right arm are completely gone.

So while it is a nasty smelly substance that is incredibly sticky, hence "tar", it works. I am not sure why it works, but it does. It is great at preventing infection and scarring. Tony thinks it is disgusting, but acknowledges that it does indeed work.

"Morning" Sickness

2008-09-18T20:37:00.002-04:00

The past few days I have been nauseous frequently. I remember when my mom was pregnant with Beth that she suffered morning sickness at night. I have had it all day, pretty much any time I eat, or anytime I am hungry.

The good news is that there has been no vomiting. It takes a lot to make me throw up, and it has been almost four years since I have (the last time was two days before our wedding). I would be happy if it continues to just be nausea without vomiting.

I have also been getting up in the middle of the night to pee. I normally sleep like a rock straight through the night, so when this started a few weeks ago I was a bit confused. I am glad that I am able to go straight back to sleep when it happens.

I am a little over five weeks along, and am very excited about making it to six weeks. We lost our first baby just before six weeks, so in my mind that will be a significant milestone.

Our first doctor appointment isn't until October 6, which seems like a long time from now.

We still have to figure out names. I know we have time, but I want to make a decision as soon as possible.

Tony has started a grid of the things that we are going to need and an approximate cost. He has also started researching certain items to learn more about which ones are the best option for us. I love it.

This is a random update. I am sure there will be more. :)

By The Way,

2008-09-13T18:41:00.002-04:00

I'm pregnant!

We found out this week and couldn't be more excited. I am only four weeks along and the estimated due date is May 20.

Life is changing and I am extremely happy about it. We don't know the answers to many questions, such as where we will live after the baby is born, or how our schedule will work out, or what kind of support network we will have in Grand Rapids, but we are confident that our story will continue to unfold in creative and wonderful ways and we are committed to making the best choices possible for our child.

In the few days that we have known, it has been pure joy to talk with Tony about the many joys and struggles that lay ahead. He is going to be the best father a child could want or need. He is already so protective of me and the baby, learning all about the dos and don'ts of pregnancy. I couldn't imagine having a child with any other man.

Looking forward to nausea, frequent peeing, and many other reminders of the baby I am growing.

Benevolent Builder

2008-09-12T19:30:00.002-04:00

I took this personality quiz that a friend also took and mentioned to me. Below are the results. Click here to learn what this means.

Satisfaction

2008-09-11T22:25:00.002-04:00

As a part of my recovery, I have been going to physical therapy for about a month now to build strength and hopefully prevent future issues.

Usually my physical therapist is Tara, but depending on the schedule, it changes, and I have seen all of the therapists that work at the location I go to, as well as a couple from other locations. Today I saw Rob.

Rob is the owner of Health Motion, which has three locations and is an amazing place. The people are friendly and the techniques they use work. They don't push you so far you're in pain, but they don't accept no results either.

Anyway, the last time I saw Rob was at the end of my first attempt at physical therapy. Rick, my therapist at the time, was unsatisfied with the results he was getting and brought in Rob to take a look at me and see if there was something he could do to help me.

After meeting with me and testing where I was, Rob told me that surgery was unfortunately my next option and that they could no longer help me.

I left in tears and was very scared. I figured I would never see Rob again, and that he was usually the bearer of bad news to patients that don't improve.

So today when I found out I was seeing him I was excited. He actually remembered me (which surprised me because of the number of patients they see). And I was able to report to him that I have been pain free and able to return to normal life and also share with him the exciting things happening in my life. No tears today.

He was very pleased. There was something that was extremely rewarding for me to see him again, but this time in improved physical condition.

As I am wrapping up physical therapy, I am full of joy to be closing this chapter of my life and beginning a new one.

Date Extravaganza

2008-09-06T14:13:00.002-04:00

Tony spent a few weeks planning a secret date day for us to enjoy and yesterday we were able to share in a wonderful day together.

We started our day picking up some random items Tony needed from Target, including a Pac Man game. That was all I needed to be happy, but the day continued to improve.

We then spent a couple hours on the Grand River canoeing. The river was wide and calm and it combined with some interesting weather to make for a scenic trip.

Having some time to kill, we headed home to get ready for the second leg of our date. Dressed and ready to go, we headed out to Schuler Books. Once there, Tony told me to pick out a book and that he would be back in thirty minutes.

After he returned, we checked out the Celebration on the Grand where we sampled some food from local restaurants and toured the art museum for free admission.

And our night was just beginning.

At seven, we boarded a hoarse drawn carriage for a ride around the city. It was fantastic. I have always wanted to take a ride, even though it is quite cheesy, and Tony was willing to endure the ride to make me happy.

The driver dropped us off outside of our restaurant, Bistro Bella Vista, where we had a delicious dinner. I had duck for the first time ever and it was worth every penny. Moist and flavorful. Amazing.

We strolled along the river walk after finishing dinner and watched the fireworks on the river. They were pretty spectacular. Anytime I watch fireworks, I get bored about half way in, but the finale always seems to make up for it.

One final surprise; Tony booked a hotel room at the J.W. Marriott with a room overlooking the river. With the city all lit up, the view was unbelievable. We had enough time to head down to the pool and sauna before it closed for the night. One steam room was eucalyptus scented, which made us both choke because we could barely breathe.

We finished the night together, enjoying each others company and reliving previous memories. This was one date I will never forget. I am so grateful that Tony is in my life. He is such an amazing man and I am just lucky enough to be the one he has chosen to love.

A New Job

2008-08-30T22:36:00.002-04:00

Starting Tuesday, I will be a cook at Olga's Kitchen on Wealthy. I am shocked and nervous. Going back to work is going to take a little adjusting, but there is something about preparing food and working under stress that really excites me.

I have been off of work since March, due to my back problems. I have been feeling fantastic and physical therapy is going really well. I continue to put my back to the test in new ways, and it seems to be holding up. So, I need to get back at making money instead of just spending it.

I have a ton of great memories from this summer that I would not have been able to make if I didn't quit my job in order to have back surgery and fully recover without being rushed.

I am happy with how quickly I was able to find a job, but hope I will not become content with it but continue to question who I am and what I am supposed to be doing.

Optimistic

2008-08-29T09:35:00.002-04:00

I am a generally optimistic person when it comes to people, possibly to an unhealthy end. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, and usually find reasons to allow people a second, third, and fourth chances after they have messed up.

But I have to say, lately people have been painfully disappointing.

And I wonder, why is it that nobody returns messages? Why do people not stick to what they say they are going to do? Why is it that those you care about don't care about you?

Perhaps this is just me setting expectations too high and hoping too much.
Or perhaps I have missed the things that people have done.

But right now, I am disappointed.

Again.

15 Miles

2008-08-23T18:31:00.003-04:00

We went for a bike ride today on the White Pine Trail along the Grand River, riding about 15 miles total. We packed a lunch with homemade sandwiches and nectarines. Also in our pack was what we thought would be plenty of water, about three liters. Unfortunately, we ran about about three miles from our car.

We're almost done - time to stop and take some pictures. We couldn't take very many because we didn't have a memory card.

My sexy husband finishing off the last of the water. :)

Home Cookin'

2008-08-21T21:41:00.003-04:00

One thing that was really hard about being away from home the available options for food. We ate junk for a week. We tried to collect some healthy options by stopping at a farmers market, but meals choices are limited without having a stove to cook on.

Last night we picked up our share from the Community Supported Agriculture that we're members of. We brought home tons of goodies; tomatoes, watermelon, nectarines, kale, peppers, carrots, as well as salad greens and basil. To finish stocking our kitchen, we made a stop to get some non-produce items at Meijers.

And tonight, we made some delicious spinach pasta. We sauteed scallops, garlic, kale (chopped really fine), green pepper, and mushrooms seasoned with some fresh basil, oregano, parsley, and rosemary. We mixed the sauteed veggies with the spinach pasta, some pesto, tomatoes and parmesan cheese.

After a long, depressing day, it was the perfect pick me up. For dessert we had some fresh watermelon. Tony also made some homemade bread today.

It is amazing how much a nutritious, homemade meal can change your mood.

Home Sweet Home

2008-08-21T09:15:00.002-04:00

We returned home late Tuesday night, quickly making our way to our bed to get some much needed sleep.

The trip to South Carolina unfortunately turned out to not be a vacation but a very stressful experience in many ways.

We did have some fun, including swimming in the ocean at Myrtle Beach as well as the date night that Tony and I had. We went out to dinner and spent some time together on the beach. It was a very much needed time to ourselves.

I have a few battle wounds from the trip, including a gouge in my leg from a fight with my brother, a detached fingernail that hurts like hell (I will never get acrylic nails again), a cut in my other index finger, and I am coming down with a cold. I figure the combination of the stress and poor eating has lead to a weakened immune system.

The good news is that my back doesn't hurt. In fact, it is doing really well.

I learned that while I love my mom very much, spending one week with her traveling is not a good idea.

I also noticed some alarming realities about dynamics of relationships, similarities in ways stress is handled, and the way I deal with poor situations. Hopefully I will remember what I have learned and actually act on it.

I was amazed at how great of a peacemaker Tony is. I have always known he is kind and gentle, but this trip really showed me how easily Tony can stay calm and have grace even when people treat him poorly. He really is an amazing man.

So all in all, not the vacation we hoped for, but we have some great memories and learned more about ourselves.

Florence, South Carolina

2008-08-14T07:22:00.002-04:00

We are in South Carolina. We were welcomed upon our arrival with 70 degree weather, complete with cloudy skies and a day of rainfall.

Today, we have a full day planned. Beth and I are going to check out the local farmers market. Already Tony and I are sick of fast food and unhealthy options. Fortunately, we have a fridge in our room, so we hope to find some fresh food today.

After that we are going to spend some "girl time" getting our nails done for the wedding. For those of you that know me, you know I never do this. I figure it will be nice to share the experience with Beth.

Then, we plan to play tennis and swim in the pool. We just have to find some balls...

Tony is planning on staying at the hotel and getting some work done. Apparently there are some issues that need to be worked out for the expo in Vegas.

In the evening mom, Beth and I are going to a shower for Ashley and later Tony Beth and I are going to hang out.

At some point, my dad and his wife and my grandparents should be arriving.

There are many areas of tension, due to several strained relationships which should lead to some interesting/stressful moments.

Let the fun begin!

Recent Petty Happenings

2008-08-08T19:27:00.003-04:00

Upon our return from the island, life has been mostly uneventful.

We are preparing for our trip to South Carolina for my brother's wedding. We will be leaving early Wednesday and coming home late the following Tuesday. Unfortunately, we will be missing one of our weekly pick ups of fresh veggies from our CSA.

I have started physical therapy again. I met with my surgeon a few weeks ago and he said that I am "good to go" but gave me a prescription for physical therapy at my request. I want to make sure I do everything possible to prevent this from happening again. So far therapy is going really well and I am feeling the benefits. Hooray for recovery.

My friend Heather, who lives in Alaska, called the other night with wonderful news that she is pregnant. Her and her husband have been trying for years, and were looking at really slim odds. I am so happy for them.

I got my first ever parking ticket yesterday. Stupid fire hydrants. It was during PT and I figure I can send it in to health insurance, and they will cover it since it is a health related expense. :)

Tony's mom is in the hospital again. She had seizures last night and she is going to be in the hospital for a few days.

My grandma had her 12th surgery recently. She went to mayo because none of the doctors around here would take her case. Fortunately, the surgery went well and she was released the next day.

My next post will probably be either during or after our trip to South Carolina, hopefully with pictures.

Pictures From the Island

2008-07-28T12:10:00.003-04:00

We left home at 4:30am and arrived in Leland just before 9am. The night before, Tony was unable to sleep and I only slept for about three hours. The boat left the dock shortly after 10am and we were on our way.

The boat leaving the main land. No turning back now.

We made it to the island! This is the line of people unloading all of the packs.

We have all of our gear and are ready to go.

Tony is full of energy and excited to get started.

Camp for the first night. We had just finished breakfast and were preparing to tear down.

At this camp site we spotted a few eagles and a deer. Along the trails, there were numerous chipmunks and snakes. The island has an abundance of wildlife.

View from our camp on the first night. The waves were dangerously high and the beach was full of rocks. We had to make the climb up and down the dune twice to refill our water bottles.
This is on the west side of the island. We were hoping to watch the sunset, but the clouds were too thick and there was nothing to see.

Hiking day number two.

This is the beach we went swimming in. This picture is unable to capture the beauty of the beach. The water was crystal clear and refreshing to be in.
Unfortunately, there were an insane amount of flies so we tore down camp and kept hiking back to the ranger station.

This is the cemetery. The last person buried there was in 1988.

Starting the last stretch of the hike.

Resting. We are nearing the end of our 15 mile hike and Tony is exhausted.

This is one of the many historical buildings on the island from when people use to live on the island. Because they are unmaintained, you can not enter the buildings.

Camp site number 3, night number 2.

Leaving the island.

Back at the main land.

Unfortunately, the pictures were unable to fully capture the beauty of the island and the amazing sites we enjoyed. This trip was great. There were a few disappointments, but I would go again any day.

While we were there an elderly man that was on the northwest side of the island had seizures and had to be flown off of the island. We saw the helicopter flying over the island and knew something was wrong. It took eight hours for the search and rescue.

Also on the trip, a man named Fritz was quite comical. We happened to sit next to him on the boat ride home and he had quite the story. He also camped at Sleeping Bear Dunes and lost most of his belongings, then proceeded to walk nearly nine miles bare foot.

Once we arrived back on the main land, we walked to our vehicle and went to a restaurant to get some comfort food. We were on the road by 2:30pm and arrived home at 6:30pm fully worn out.

We Made It

2008-07-27T20:29:00.002-04:00

After two grueling days on North Manitou Island, we are home. We made it there and back safely, walking a total of 15 miles and driving nearly ten hours.

We are tired and sore. We had a great time and saw a lot of amazing things. Hopefully I will post pictures and details later.

For now, I am going to shower and head to bed, my nice, comfortable bed.

Some highlights:

- Swimming in the pristine water of Lake Michigan
- BBQ chicken after a taxing nine mile hike
- Waking up to the sound of waves crashing against the shore
- Spotting dear, eagles, and other wildlife

Picture Overload

2008-07-20T20:58:00.013-04:00

I started going through some pictures hoping to find some that would fill the frames we recently purchased at a yard sale. After looking through thousands, I still have thousands more that I could look at. I found a couple for the frames, but many stirred my memory and I thought I would post with some of our pictures from the past.

This one is from our last day at O.V.C.C.

The view from "our spot" at the lake. We have hundreds of pictures at the beach.

Why do all children have to grow up?

Spending some time at the park

Helping out at my grandparents' in the sugar shack.

My grandma Clements

One of our many days spent at the beach

Hiking with my brother

The corsica, our first car that we purchased for $500.

The tempo - post accident
Fourth of July in front of the Amazon.

Goin' fishin with Blake and Ashley

We spent a lot of time and money at Wesco - notice the price of gas.

Daniel's concept for a stage in the new FLC

After a long night of painting, Tony and Daniel pose for the camera.

It is starting to look like a stage.

There were several people that spent long hours finishing the FLC renovation.

Broderick and "grandpa Gene"

Beth and Julie - slumber party #1

Joe and Nicole at Great Wolf Lodge

View from our window after a blizzard.

On our honeymoon - on a helicopter over Niagra Falls.

Isaac-the-Tiger

Will-o-Saurus

Our second trip to Chicago - view from our hotel room

Bed and Breakfast we stayed in for our 2nd anniversary. We had the cottage all to ourselves.

The Petty clan in Arkansas

Our first day on the cruise

That is all for now... they were completely random. I have tons left to look through, so there may be another random picture post in the near future.

My Mom

2008-07-18T15:14:00.003-04:00

One year ago I was not talking to my mom, and even though I wanted to find a way to fix things, I doubted that we would ever mend the wounds that we had created. After years and years of fighting and hurting, we had said and done too much to ever find peace. I was sure of it. I was ready and prepared to cut her out of my life completely.

Fortunately, things do not always happen the way we expect. Life, if you give it a chance, will surprise you.

Now, we talk nearly everyday. The anger that I had bottled up and wanted to spew at her is gone. We are able to gracefully let each other know when our feelings are hurt, without expecting change. I share more with my mom than with almost anyone else. She knows what I am going through, what I am up to, how I am feeling, and so much more.

She isn't perfect; she even still does things that annoy me, and I am sure I irritate her as well at times.

But we are able to spend time together and not fight. We can talk and not argue. We can share feelings and opinions without judging and criticizing.

***one ruined parental relationship down, at least one more to go***

The Beach

2008-07-12T22:53:00.003-04:00

Tony and I love the beach. We always have and probably always will. Any day that we get to spend at Lake Michigan, enjoying the waves and soaking in the sun, is a good day.

Today was one of those days. We spent a good amount of time with my mom at her pool. For lunch we made brats that we bought from Creswick Farms and a nice salad. After relaxing we all made our way to Lake Michigan. The waves were decent and the temperature was great.

On the way home, we noticed the beautiful sunset as we made the drive along Maple Island. We even stopped to take some pictures, but the lighting made it impossible to capture. As we sped along the highway, we watched the beautiful purples and pinks fade into the darkness.

Yes, today certainly was a good day.

North Manitou Island

2008-07-10T14:55:00.002-04:00

Three years ago Tony and I tried to go back country camping on North Manitou Island. We had all of our gear ready, our bags packed, and were making one last stop before taking off. Unfortunately, an unlicensed driver decided to run a red light and our car crashed violently into his. Needless to say, this put an end to our trip before we really started.

Each summer since has had its own reason why we either were unable or unwilling to go. As a last minute decision we are going to be trying to make it this summer. We have most of the gear from when we tried to go the first time, so the cost is fairly minimal. My back is doing pretty well so I feel up to it. In addition, Tony will be carrying the heavy pack and I will be carrying a very minimal amount of weight. We will hike as little or as much as I feel able.

While it isn't a six month cross country trip in a motor home, it is an adventure- one that we both desperately want to take. Who knows if we will ever make it on the motor home trip. Who knows what we will be doing next. But right now, in this moment, we are trying to enjoy the life we have and that involves taking risks.

So hopefully I will be updating in a few weeks about our fun adventure with some amazing pictures and there will be no accidents or terrible breakdowns to report.